#but you see that's why it fucks me up that it was eva who survived. it's like they did it on purpose

[kushanna]

not to come here and compare traumas but like... out of the four siblings, rosa's definitely the one that got the worst load. the thing is with the others it was something that developed over time, their bad relationship was something that evolved as they grew up, the horrible environment in that house was something that they all experienced at the same time as it progressed and as they grew. but not rosa... she was practically thrown into a terrible situation when it was already established, with no explanation or chance for a different outcome. not any possibility of a miracle for rosa!! if the other three weren't able to nurture positive feelings for one another while they themselves were children, imagine for rosa, when they were all already grown and angry and hurt and frustrated... they obviously wouldn't be able to have an ounce of affection to spare for her and instead she had to deal with constant harassment from all sides. plus if you take, for example, eva, even if still very haunted and resentful and having literal nightmares about her family at night, she at least managed to go out there later on and build for herself a life she could love, to have people to love and who loved her, she had hobbies lmao. but not rosa... she's nothing more than a constant walking ball of anger and resentment, completely alone except for the one person she has and constantly rejects, making terrible decisions all the time and she's got nothing to even distract her from it... when was the last time rosa felt real, unrestrained joy? and how much did it last? she saw a woman die violently in front of her when she was 12. that fucks you up

[bigtreefest]

Which of your beloved men do you think has the greatest potential of actually annoying you the longer you are together?

Oh, Eva. This is a good question. Because I get annoyed with people so easily sometimes, but a big issue is, the longer we’re together, the more I force myself to deal with it 😅 so, it’s an issue, but I think there are a few options. So I’m gonna rank them from most annoying to least:

Lloyd: What a fucking know it all bitch. I bet you every. single. thing. that I do would have some sort of correction, but he believes he walks on water. Probably mansplains. Won’t take no for an answer, never gives up, which could be admirable, but he wants it to go his way. Everything is manipulated to serve him and I’d lose myself as I grow resentment.

Ransom: Unconsciously selfish and totally alright with it. Never willing to learn something outside his worldview. People have other experiences!! And guess what, buddy, you can survive on less money than you do. The mix of wealth and closed-mindedness would be terrible, bc why have all that you do and not use it to broaden your horizons some. And I mean as a learner, someone who experiences things, not necessarily a patron or observer like everyone else is a museum piece.

Andy: Definitely discounts my feelings. Huge victim of confirmation bias and I just can’t live with that sort of dismissal for my very valuable opinions.

Steve: Altruistic to a fault at the expense of me. But also just do goddamn admirable and respected, it kinda makes me jealous. That’s on me. People would probably think I’m lucky I’m with him and fail to see all I do and it would drive me nuts. And then he would just brush it off and I would hate that I have to work 10x harder to even get a tenth of the credit he does. I don’t think he would ever get it…

Ari: So caught up in helping others that there’s no time for me, but it’s not as bad as Steve because I think Ari would listen when I said I felt I wasn’t listened to, and then would switch up.

Jake: probably misreads the room here and there but is receptive to criticism. Gone a lot which leads to fights and he just walks away instead of confronting it.

Curtis is a shelter guard dog angel😌

[evita-shelby]

They didn't know we were seeds

Chapter 15

Cw: death, trauma, rage issues, mentions of cannibalism

Heaven Lavey belongs to @call-sign-shark ,Nina to @peakyswritings

@justrainandcoffee @emotionalcadaver

There were always rumors that the lands up north had people no longer subject to Panem, as there are rumors of South America existing beyond the ocean that covered Central America and what used to be southern Mexico.

Those who went looking never came back. The last she heard, Dalton, a man who used to work with Cousin Andres had left and so far, no body had been found.

“What do you mean?” Eva asked quietly fearing they’d still be overheard.

“13 and Panem made a treaty that 13 would fuck off and Panem would let them be as long as they never made contact. Our friends have been working with them to end all this.” He explained, just as quietly as she had spoken. “There’s a network that helps you evade peacekeepers and the like from 11 to 12 and then leading you to 13s first watchtowers.”

So, Lyme knew of it through Aveline, or Chaff and Seeder? Haymitch was somehow involved as the only victor of 12 by the looks of it too.

And now they did.

“We could leave, take Laurie and run.” He takes her face in his hands and begs her to run away with him.

“We’ll talk about this at home, I don’t trust this place.” Eva hides her no well enough for him to fool him. False hope was better than no hope at all.

Maybe they could run away if Heavensbee doesn’t find his symbol before Laurie’s 12th birthday, or if things become harsher for them, but right now isn’t the time.

Even when it will destroy Jack to lose his niece.

“For now, I need you to be strong for Gina’s sake. She’s terrified, Lyme told me about last night’s nightmare and how scared she is.” The woman pulled him closer until he was resting his sweaty head against her, and she could calm him down enough to pretend he’s not broken.

“I don’t know if I can, every time I see her, I know she’ll come back in a coffin. I killed her, if I hadn’t---” he’s too weighed down by the what ifs that Jack can’t even feign strength.

“Shh, I know, Jack, for Gina’s, for me and Laurie, don’t let them know they’ve won.” Eva soothed him as best as she could.

It was no wonder Abilene and the victor before her got so bad, how can you live past this? How can you live when your child is dead?

A freak summer storm stops them from having another pool party on the last day of training, but they have a party with foods and snacks teenagers like in the game room no one uses in this hotel instead. For a moment they are kids, tomorrow they’ll try and hope to charm the Capitol as to why they deserve to live and the day after these kids die at each other’s hands.

Eva shows up with Matty and their kids and try their best to ignore Gina’s death stares at her. She knows her as the woman who murdered her dad whom she had never truly met. She may die never knowing that Eva is her aunt, Jack has no idea how to even tell her.

Jack has done his best to be strong for her, to give her the false hope that she may actually survive this. The blonde tween had beamed at him when the trainers praised her for her agility and skill.

“I don’t know if I’m going to tell her; I can’t send her off like that.” He admits as they sit against the wall while the kids watch some funny movie that’s all the rage in the capitol right now.

“Then don’t, I won’t make you do it.” She whispers as she gave his hand a good squeeze.

“I love you.” He says, turning to look at her thinking no one can see or hear them and even worse kisses her sweetly as if he might never see her again.

“So, its true then? You’ve been fucking this bitch like she didn’t kill my dad!” Gina makes her presence known with a shout and begins throwing anything she can get her hands on at them, at him.

Gina’s shouting loud enough to startle the avox setting out her night clothes.

“They talked about it at school and I told them you would never do that, that you loved my dad too much to fuck her and have a baby with her!” the betrayal has his niece crying and screaming as her image of Jack is shattered by the truth.

“I planned on telling you, once it was safe to do so, Gee. Shit is more complicated than you think.” The mentor still barely knows how to explain it to a child.

As much as Gina thinks she is grown, she is still a fucking twelve-year-old girl.

“She killed your brother, my dad, and you decided to get together with her even if its fucking illegal!” she grows shrill and loud unaware every second of this is being recorded.

“Once you are inside that arena, you have no choice, kid. Even those of us who volunteer.” He would love to tell her everything and hope she could change her mind, but he cannot. “Every victor here has met the victor that took their loved one. I killed two kids she grew up with, Brutus and Wiress had killed her brothers.

Most of us learn to forgive them and even befriend them. If you survive your games, you’ll know what I mean.”

“Did you have to name him Laurie?” Gina asks, having heard some of what he said. She never would understand it entirely because she is going to die this weekend. Something that he hates himself for.

“No, but we wanted to. I’ll never see him beyond pictures, at least I know he is mine and that his name is what I wanted to name my son.” Jack lies through his teeth to a girl already dead.

There is an axe at the cornucopia.

It is a dense foggy forest at the foot of a snowcapped mountain and while everyone has a reason to fear for their tributes, no one has their own flesh and blood in there.

Jack is glued to the screen, digging his nails on the back of the chair he’s sitting backwards on as he mutters as if Gina could hear him. Gina had done exactly as he had trained her to do and with the career pack with her had survived the bloodbath.

Marius and the rest of the careers do their best to protect her, getting her safe and armed with the hunting knife meant to tempt Titus from 6. Titus was too fond of meat, always hungry and prone to biting other tributes and even trainers. Had trained with a hunting knife and had promised to carve out his enemies’ hearts and even Caeser in his urine-colored hair wasn’t sure how to spin that.

His mentor had whispered of a cannibalism charge that led to him being reaped. Said poverty was so bad in their district that it was not unheard of for someone to eat another human being.

The Gamemakers had given him a 10 in hopes of getting the careers to kill him faster.

Jack knows the game is over when Heaven Lavey comes away with the bloody axe and proceeds to hunt the weaker ones hiding about the woods that same night.

Marius had had the hots for her, like Laurie once had for Eva because Jack had made the mistake of saying the girl from 10 was 10 and asked if he agreed with Jack’s assertion. Jack had to warn the boy several times that the hot chick from 7 was there to kill him not take his virginity.

Eva’s kids had hidden well, worked together to get a handful of things and hid in a tree for the night. Chel was good at climbing, the cacao trees could be up to 40 feet tall or so she had said in her interview last night. Andy had a tree house high up a mesquite, and while not as adept didn’t fare too badly as Eva had feared.

Gina has yet to kill someone, the most she did was maim the girl from 6 that one of Cashmere’s kids finished off. But she was safe as long as the career pack didn’t break off. By herself she was as likely to survive as Alfie and Nina’s kids.

“I’ll stay with you until its over.” Eva moves a chair close to him after having reminded Nina from 9 to keep herself hydrated because she’s in the same shape as Jack.

Eva’s a healer, always taking care of everyone. It’s something he loves about her.

But Jack doesn’t know he’ll ever recover when Gina dies because he was too chickenshit to take them and run.

Gina is killed in the second day. She’d spotted a shock of white hair by the lake and tried to drown her thinking her easy prey.

It was morning when Jack is made to watch as Heaven Lavey buries her hatchet into his niece’s head.

Jack doesn’t come too until he is sitting in a room he destroyed with his bare hands. He is bleeding and hurt and crying like he’s never cried before sitting in the rubble of his room.

“I killed her. I killed her. I killed her!”

[tenma-udai]

i'm very frustrated with 'a curse for true love' and i'm just gonna vent about it and hope no one minds under the readmore

ok literally why was it so short?? like i know writing a novel is really hard and i don't want to sound ungrateful for what we got, but we wasted so much TIME and it SKIMPED ON THE EVA/JACKS SCENES. WHAT DID SHE THINK WE WERE HERE FOR?? this should have been THE evajacks book, and for so MUCH of it jacks was just off??? doing his own thing??? needlessly dragging this out because she HAD to have the big kiss at the climax?? i'm baffled BAFFLED we still could have had lots of simmering tension scenes with Amnesia!Eva and Jacks TOGETHER trying to get her memories back, but ??? no??? what ???

the amnesia plot was WASTED imo like there was so much angst potential and it was just kind of?? meh?? like why not give us jacks realizing evangeline doesn't remember him and seeing the dawning horror of like "oh god the thing of equal value to me... HER LOVE OUR TIME TOGETHER" and have them be like together trying to fix it??

like you would think after she died in his arms he'd be like "no i'm not letting her go, i have to protect her, i have to undo the memory loss" but no he's. just gonna teach her self defense one time.... even though supposedly he made a deal with aurora to make it so eva never NEEDS to be defended again ??? obviously i'm grateful that it happened bc the evajacks dynamic is what i was here for but it was almost like the author?? didn't realize that?? or thought by dragging it out it was making it better?? like no babes we are in the last book!! it's PAY OFF TIME

like did she really think we needed all this time on the valour family and apollo and aurora and blah blah blah

and like. i'm fine the true love breaking the curse on jacks and the kiss is fine, i am fine with it. but jacks has no follow up questions?? does jacks even know he was cursed by aurora?? does he know the popular theory on his curse is incorrect and, in actuality, only a girl who will never love him can survive the kiss? he really didn't have any follow up questions to eva surviving his kiss after hundreds of years of no one surviving his kisses??

and then we had to have a SECOND climax so so rushed it was unsatisfying to me personally, especially with all the wasted time at the beginning to put two back to back climaxes didn't make up for all the time being in apollo's very boring head

i'm so baffled by the decision to HAVE THE CLIFFHANGER FOR A CHAPTER BE 'and there was only one bed' and they didn't even??? snuggle?? share body heat bc she was so cold from the rain?? and immediately jacks fucks off again hrrrrrrrr

also the last broken heart scar is just.... there forever. i thought there would be a creative way to have jacks prove he knew her because of information about the scar, or the scar being a clue to getting back her memories. i guess the only pay off is that it tingles sometimes??

again i super love evajacks and was super down for having it and i'm?? pretty sure they are what everyone was reading FOR and there's just ?? not enough of it why are we being stingy with the MMC in his climactic book where we are supposed to be rooting for them more than ever?? i'm baffled

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion episode 18: Ambivalence

It sounds like this episode is going to be intense based on the preview from the last episode. It was something like, "It's great everyone got to be happy for a little bit before tragedy struck" and I'm wondering if it's time for the spoiler i saw about Toji when I was looking up his last name :(

Kensuke, you do not want the job.

God, what's he going to do when he finds out his two best bros are both pilots

They mention the second impact a lot at this school.

I'm not sure why Asuka is taking out her issues with Toji becoming a pilot on Shinji. I feel like I missed something in the last episode. Although, thinking about it, Toji being a pilot has made Rei worried about Shinji, so I'm now thinking Asuka is worried about him, too, but is expressing it in a very... uh... vibrant way. I guess they're worried about how he's going to take it when he finds out, since I'm sure he doesn't want any of his loved ones going through that kind of pain/struggle. I thought she was mad about having to share the limelight with someone she dislikes, but I don't think that's really it. When/ if I rewatch this, I'm going to have to pay closer attention when I watch the last episode again.

Kaji talking about not ever really being able to know someone reminds me of the stuff about how many different versions of oneself there are. I do really wonder what effect piloting the Evas has on the selves. I feel sure it's doing something to them, but I don't know what.

Oh, class rep brought the lunch for him :(

Ugh what if Shinji finds out Toji is the pilot after he's dead?

Wait wait wait. An Angel in the Eva or the Angel was the Eva? I'm rewinding.

Are they using the dummy capsule or whatever its called?

I am still mystified.

Did anyone survive?

Oh fuck they're going to make Shinji kill Toji. He's probably going to deliver the killing blow and then find out.

Fuck, Asuka!

She can't do it because she knows him.

Oh, shit! Rei!

Fuuuuck.

Rip the entry plug out, Shinji!

This reminds me of what happened to Shinji's Eva with the sphere. Like, how it was roaring and tearing things up.

Gendo, that is your kid!

Shinji, my beloved!

Switching to the dummy plug, huh? Unit 1 is about to go apeshit

And Shinji, who refused to murder someone, has to sit there and watch.

Did I know Evas could bleed?

Oh, fuck... Toji.

He's alive for now, it sounds like, unless they were referring to a different living pilot and Shinji (and therefore us) thought they meant Toji. Either way, what a gut punch

In Conclusion

I feel like I need time to let this one settle. Like, there wasn't a lot revealed about NERV or anything like that. This one definitely seemed more character driven. We for sure saw Gendo prioritizing the Evas and the war on the Angels against Shinji's well-being, which is like... How are you going to sit there and watch your son choke to death? He was really quick to sever Rei's arm without turning of the nerve link or whatever it's called, but I feel like that could also be interpreted as him being much more quick to save her than Shinji.

Also, the Evas behavior when they are not synced with a human feels very significant. I feel like once I reach all the reveals I'm going to be like, "Oh, duh!" but I'm still kind of turning it over in my head. We've seen time and again through the series that they are erratic and, except for that time with Shinji in the first episode, they default to violence when they are not under a pilot's control. It must be mentally exhausting to control something so alien and feral for sure. Maybe it's because a personality without a heart/soul regresses to the worst parts of itself. Which part of the psyche is the one that succumbs to all its impulses? The id? Anyway, I don't know but I'm wondering if this was the Angels' plan when they vaporised Base 2 (?). Infect unit 3, get it back to Japan, and then rampage.

We got to see a side of Shinji that we usually don't get to see, where he refused to take orders based on his own sense of right and wrong. I'm proud of him, especially since he stood up to his father in the process. It's awful that he had his agency stripped away from him and was forced to watch himself do it anyway. What a violation.

Anyway, I have to get to bed but I'm hoping to get another episode in tomorrow.

Lol what if it's the dark glasses are making Gendo evil and if he put on a normal pair of spectacles again he would become a chill guy. I kid, I kid.

So long for now!

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Theon survey songs + links:

@feed-me-a-penny and @team-mom-wannabe In case you still want to see the songs that have been submitted until now.

I found an acoustic version of the song Worms by Lolly Jane Blue on a Theon fan mix once and then lyrics really latched onto my Throne synapses! Very ADWD chapters, I think

The Lighthouse by Halsey; What the Water Gave Me by Florence; Piledriver Waltz by Arctic Monkeys; Ship to Wreck by Florence; Stone by Jaymes Young; Let Me Drown by Orville Peck; Atlantis by Seafret; Wade in the Water by Eva Cassidy; I Don't Want to Talk About Me by Stereo Jane; Sail Away Sweet Sister by Queen; and honestly every song on Everything Ends by Materia.

SOOO many. Ooohhh boy, I hope you like long answers, because you are going to hate me if you don't (you probably already do, I cannot shut up if I'm under the guise of anonymity lol). In terms of poetry, I will forever love this quote by Jenny Holzer: "In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy". It's so Theon, and I actually have it tattooed on me lol. Social Skills training is also a great poem for Theon ([PRIVATE INFORMATION]... hits so hard for so many reasons when paralleling w Theon), here are some raw verses: "Gloria Steinem says women lose power as they age and yet the loudest voice in my head is my mother. Studies show that the mother we have in mind isn't the mother that exists. Mine says: what the fuck are you crying for? / Studies show the baby monkey will pick the fake monkey with fake fur over the furless wire monkey with milk, without contest. Studies show to negate something is to think it anyway. I'm not sad. I'm not sad. / History is a kind of study. History says we forgave the executioner. Before we mopped the blood, we asked: Lord Judge, have I executed well? Studies suggest yes. What the fuck are you crying for, officer? The wire mother teaches me to say, while studies suggest, Solmaz, have you thanked your executioner today?" Just literally everything about that poem hits me right in the Theon feels. Like, are you kidding me? Then The House That Dripped Blood by Mountain Goats is great for imagining Theon circa his Prince in Winterfell era. The lyrics are all about a house haunted by the pain trapped in there, which seems perfect for Winterfell imo. Any Florence + The Machine, but Heavy In Your Arms for painful throbb feels. Would by Alice in Chains has the right mood and great lyricism for Theon/Reek angst too! Then Everyone's Victim by Lisa Germano just has the right mood I feel for thramsay stuff, same vein as Would by Alice in Chains.

pearl diver by mitski, he doesn’t know why by the fleet foxes, cocaine and abel by amigo the devil

So many, a bunch of guns n roses songs, and dead hearts by stars

Dio Ed Io by Charles Wright, there are more but I'm all burnt out typing AHHH!!!

Cry for Judas the mountain goats "long black night/morning frost/I'm still here/ but all is lost" There is a light that never goes out The smiths. Robb and Theon vibes "to die by your side/ is such a heavenly way to die"

“archers never made good kings, fly headfirst into everything” -archers, the ballroom thieves

Almost Human (Aurelio Voltaire) for the Lucifer association

Putting the dog to sleep by the antlers!

call them brothers - regina spektor (that’s it, it’s split, it won’t recover just frame the halves and call them brothers find your fathers and your mothers if you remember who they are over and over they call us their friends can’t we find something else to pretend? like nobody won and we’re safe at the end) that’s okay - the hush sound (you were a child who was made of glass you carried a black heart passed down from your dad if somebody loved you they’d tell you by now we all turn away when you’re down you want to go back to where you felt safe to hear your brother’s laughter, see your mother’s face your childhood home is just powder-white bones and you’ll never find your way back) house of wolves - my chemical romance (well, i think i’m gonna burn in hell everybody burn the house right down and say what i want to say tell me i’m an angel / take this to my grave tell me i’m a bad man / kick me like a stray) mama - my chemical romance (well mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue you should have raised a baby girl i should have been a better son if you can coddle the infection they can amputate at once i should have been - i should have been a better son) JUDAS - the reverent marigold (god knew his face and held it but it still didn’t save him and i see far horizons where the lambs lie with the lions but there are poppies growing over where my friends are lying and paul had an old name, but we never use it you may call me traitor but my lover calls me judas)

i have a playlist, some accidentally theon lyrics i enjoyed is bad medicine by liz green (...) For every man wants more than he, ever did before He’s still got no way out We’ve got no way out No way out We’ve got no way out of this So if my eyes turn black and my teeth fall out and my hairs caught up in rags Don’t give me none of that medicine ‘cos I’ll spit it right back out He tried so hard to fit in but he never really got a chance Before he spoke they burnt him, cut him, roped him and finally put him in the ground He said ‘I’ve been though war, and I’ve been though law and I’ve climbed that hill so cold Yeah I’ve been though more than you’ll ever know still they never let me go And every man wants more than he, ever did before He’s still got no way out We’ve got no way out No way out We’ve got no way out of this So if my eyes turn black and my teeth fall out and my hairs caught up in rags Don’t give me none of that medicine ‘cos I’ll spit it right back out Oh yeah, I’ll spit it right Yeah I’ll spit it right Oh I’ll spit it right back out I will spit it right I will spit it right I will spit it right back out

I love Mr. Tambourine Man for Theon. Especially this line: “Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind, Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves, The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach, Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, Let me forget about today until tomorrow.” I also love Hurt by Nine Inch nails- All the lyrics and the entire soundscape of that song is Theon to me. Absolutely intense and amazing. And I also love and associate A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall with Theon. The "seven sad forests" the "dozen dead oceans" the "newborn baby with wolves all around it." But all the imagery in that song is so cool and very appropriate for asoiaf in general .

Oh man, so so many but to name a few: 1. How Soon is Now by the Smiths ("I am the son and heir of nothing in particular" / I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does") 2. Sorrowing Man by City and Colour ("Sorrowing man, look how worn you've become. You once were lord of the barren sea. There's blood on your hands." / "Oh, how you have lost your way." 3. Crystal Ball by Keane ("I lost my heart, I buried it too deep, under the iron sea." / "I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong, So put me where I belong.") 4. Bravado by Lorde ("I learned not to want The quiet of the room with no one around to find me out. I want the applause the approval." 5. Hurt by Johnny Cash ("And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt" / What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end."

iron by woodkid seven nation army (in a way) bones in the ocean under the water by the pretty reckless

"Oh No" by Marina & the Diamonds; "Bones" by Ms Mr; "The Ocean" by Dar Williams

i'm a marionette by ABBA starring role by marina and the diamonds asleep by the smiths i still have faith in you by ABBA judas by lady gaga california dreamin' by the mamas & the papas al andar by ABBA crucified by army of lovers i'm not coming home by the cowmen no more from into the woods oh i know by only natural waiting around to die by the be good tanyas

Smoke filled room - daughter

Gilded Lily : I remember when you told me it’s an every decision (Theon’s oath to Robb) But with my double vision, how was I supposed to see the way ? (Double vision : Greyjoy/Stark) Haven’t I given enough? Always the fool with the slowest heart (softie boi ) I know you’ll take me with you ( could refer to Robb or Ramsay as they die that they take a piece or the whole of him with) Every city’s got a graveyard (kinda makes me think of his prince of Winterfell era) Now I’m sleeping in the backyard (Well, his Reek moment ofc)

a spanish song by my fave band ever Fito y fitipaldis - Antes de que cuente diez (Before I count to ten) some verses i really like from it are: I got lost in a cross of words. They missed wrote down the address. I already engraved my name on a bullet. I've already tried the cannon fodder I already have everything under control. And someone said no, no, no, no, no That now the wind is coming from the other side Leave me the rudder And someone said no, no, no. What will take me to the end? It will be my steps, not the way. You don't see that you always go behind. When you pursue destiny And I won't feel strange again. Even if you don't get to know me And I won't love you so much again. And I won't stop loving you again I stopped flying, I sank into the mud. And between so much mud I found myself. Some warmth without your hugs Now I know that I will never come back.

I dont know many poems but sinnerman by nina simon and sorry by karine polwart and some other songs in my own language :)

honestly.. robb and theon are kinda two ghosts by harry styles if you squint

All of Radiohead tbh

Pardon this next block of text where I name random music. I have to say something about the album The Downward Spiral by NIN being huge Theon material to me (the instrumental track named after the album is so TWOW Stannis execution presumably foiled by old gods activity. also Hurt but everyone's saying that. ummm THE BECOMING.). Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain. 1906 by the West Coast Art Pop Experimental Band is so Bolton Occupation of Winterfell. Avalanche by Kyle John Kenowski. Sister Europe by The Psychedelic Furs feels TWOW Asha and Theon returning to the islands or something. Sweat by Oingo Boingo. All We Ever Wanted Was Everything by Bauhaus young Theon in Winterfell. King Rat by Modest Mouse feels either Jeyne and Theon escaping Winterfell or Theon and the invasion of Winterfell. I think I'm saying too much but I hate having things out of context, but I can't just parrot an entire playlist here: these are all ruthlessly selected from my playlist on spotify called [PRIVATE INFORMATION] (Epitaph by King Crimson inspired me to make the playlist) that has these plus more but fair warning it's under construction for my reread I've been doing this summer :^) . Um. A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers by Van Der Graaf Generator but it's 23 minutes long and all over the timeline sorrrrry I like prog rock so much. On Kyra thoughts: Please listen to To The Dogs or Whoever by Josh Ritter for Kyra and the keys thoughts.

Remy Zero - Prophecy: You walk this world like you’re a ghost / Your hands are coming through the needles / Sick of your tragic and your evils / I am the keeper of the songs of everyone / [...] / This is a coming of the times / You are a witness to the movement / If all you’re seeing is your lies / You had your chance, but now you’ve blown it / You want this world so you can own it / I am the keeper of the songs of everyone / / Look into the sun and see your soul is dying / Used to feel the faith, but now you’re tired of trying / Should have left alone what you have stolen from everyone / Mmm, how ya feelin’? Seems a little sick to me now / / From the light on high / A chance to change your fate / Forgiveness falling down / On those who chose to wait / Remember the time / Find yourself home again / Deep within your life / Find yourself home again / Find yourself home again / It’s a choice / You have chosen your own T.S. Eliot - The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: And I have known the eyes already, known them all— / The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, / And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, / When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, / Then how should I begin / To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? / And how should I presume? / [...] I should have been a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. [...] I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. / I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. / I do not think that they will sing to me. / I have seen them riding seaward on the waves / Combing the white hair of the waves blown back / When the wind blows the water white and black. / We have lingered in the chambers of the sea / By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown / Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Century Eyes by Shearwater (You are not the last of this house / Nor the first to go over the side / Remember the wrecks of those elegant ships / “Turn it off! Turn it off!” / Look with century eyes till they make you go blind) Two Evils by Bastille (I’m the lesser of two evils / Or am I, am I tricking myself nice? / If I’m a lesser of two evils / Who’s this man, who’s this act I hide behind?) Hurt Feelings by Flight of the Conchords (It’s my birthday, 2003 / Waitin’ for a call from my family / They forgot about me / I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings)

The Devil's Backbone by The Civil Wars

Lots ([PRIVATE INFORMATION I'M NOT GONNA DO MY COUNTRY DIRTY LIKE THIS] but a very tragicomical and delusional version), but I'm going to list purely English stuff for the sake of it: "Crucify your mind" by Rodriguez is my go to Theon song and I know no one knows or cares about Rodriguez and this might as well be one of those situations where this only works in my head, but fuck it: Was it a huntsman or a player That made you pay the cost That now assumes relaxed positions And prostitutes your loss? Were you tortured by your own thirst In those pleasures that you seek That made you Tom the curious That makes you James the weak? And you claim you got something going Something you call unique But I've seen your self-pity showing As the tears rolled down your cheeks […] So con-convince your mirror As you've always done before Giving substance to shadows Giving substance ever more And you assume you got something to offer Secrets shiny and new But how much of you is repetition That you didn't whisper to him too? "All these things that I've done" by The Killers has some vibes and lyrics too but god do I feel like an idiot for saying that.

[miss-peanut-butter-cups]

The End of Ram's Foray Into Neon Genesis Evangellion

Lotta companies that made this one

so did Shinji's character development realm from the last two episodes happen?

Forgot she was in hospital

uhhh

what the fuck

wtf dude

ah, it's a cult

Oh there were more Magis

Yeah that's a pretty sure situation

Wow they're just sending in the whole army, I thought they'd have an Eva or something

Steele's been preparing for this for a while

Now that's probably the single worst Thu for Rei to find

It is very disorienting to see armed conflict and casualties in this show

What happened to "happy shinji who wants to live" from last episode

God damn N2s are strong

Yeah let's have a nice exposition talk in the giant skull corridor

Wait are the other angels from different species

Asuka mumbling t herself like that if very unsettling

It can make the cross beam!?

Ah. She's lost it.

Oh that's a lot more Eva's than j thought they:d bave

Oh hey they're that one Elden Ring enemy

Unit-02 goes hard

Ah fuck Misato's definitely dying

So was episode 25+26 an alternate ending?

She's holding up very well for being shot

Uhh gonna put that up to the blood loss

Rei?

"Hey here's an idea let's give out new Eva's giant mouths" some shmuck at steele

Ritsuko can I have an exposition speech here?

How exactly are the Eva's their mothers?

GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI

What how'd they get that back!?

Oh fuck she's actually lost an eye

Fuuuuuuck. That's a way to go.

The wings!!

Evangellion why are you showing me credits halfway through this? There's still 45mins to go.

Well while they roll, halfway thoughts:

This is a lot darker than I was anticipating. So much death, and there's a real sense of despair. I really feel for the mission control people stuck in their room while it gets assaulted. Asuka's battle against the S2 Eva's was so cool, great to see her go all out. Sucks they just have respawn cheats though. Also, if that's Lilith chained up beneath Nerv, then where's Adam.

Oh ok that's where Adam is.

That doesn't look healthy.

Wait. Are you doing this whole end of days mastermind gigaplan just to see your dead wife!?

Did you have to reach there Gendo

Oh it was a second spear that got Asuka?

ITS THE THU G CDKM THE JNTRK!!

Good last words, random soldier

Whoa.

Yeah! You go do .. whatever your about to do Rei

Haha, that's fucking creepy as shit

Yeah that's how JD be reacting too Shinji

How do all the organisations know what's going on here?

Wow it managed to get creepier

So he wants to destroy Nerv?

If I had a penny for everyone there's a just-too-long out of frame sex scene between Misato and Kaji. I'd have 2 more pennies than I'd want.

Are these real memories? If that's they case then Shinji and Asuka have a very unhealthy relationship

VERY UNHEALTHY

THUS JS WHY YOU FIBW THERAPY RK TBE MJND YKU LHT JN TBE GKD RKBKT

Wow this is a beautiful sequence

Wait was Seele a robot all along!

Everyone dies?

Nope don't like that put it back j your fkrehead

Man what the fuck is going on

Huh???

Why are w ein live action land

Did this show in cinemas? Are those the people that watched it?

Is... he undoing it?

Oh ok Unit 01 was just in there

JESSE WHAT THE FUCK JS GOING ON

No way did Asuka survive all that. Or did she just rebirth herself?

That's your first instinct? To strangle her? Really?

Closing Thoughts:

Nostalgic Show. Strange Show. Good Show.

[starry-mist]

"We've got a surveillance team in place." That's great. Will you remember this in a few hours? Will they, even? Why were they so "discreet" as to let Eva near Charlie's laptop when they knew she shouldn't be on it?

And the lapses in judgment just keep coming.

Sarah is not jealous AT ALL. Nope. Not picking up anything.

Such a mess.

Like, how can I not pin this on the whole team?

Every. Single. One. Every one of them fucked up in this episode.

I know they call Eva a libertarian, I see her more as an edgy wannabe anarchist.

And then he gives her his phone too. Forget Sarah, why didn't Jesse burst into the house?

I would like a word with this writer.

I can't decide if he was thinking "I'm so screwed" or "I wonder if Sarah is watching".

I don’t think he was thinking. At least not with his brain.

This is the only slightly disapproving look I can find. I mean, given the circumstances, she could have said something.

Seriously, screenwriter (I think it’s Jennifer Kassabian,) I just wanna talk…

I... have questions. Like, where did the paramedics go? Did she make them abandon the ambulance? And was that before or after she tied Rex to the stretcher? This scene was executed sloppily.

So very sloppily.

I relate to Eva’s description of the fog of depression. It’s been a rough year for me in that regard.

Eva: “According to what your laws allow?”

Me: Oh STFU, you live in a society.

The more they show that cliff, the more confident I become that Rex would have survived it and Charlie wouldn't.

Random, but I’m pretty sure I drove past that cliff when I was in Newfoundland. (Yeah I know it has a lot of cliffs but I swear it looked familiar.)

Poor Charlie. He's definitely not okay. I wish they'd written something deeper about what's wrong with him.

I wholeheartedly agree.

And they all made mistakes. I still don't know where to pin the surveillance failure, there were two people in the van. They should have intervened in two separate instances, one to take the laptop away from Eva and one to intercept the masked guy who also might have strolled right next to the van. Am I to presume that they put cameras inside the house and not outside? Where they suspecting Eva more than they suspected someone would show up to kill her? In both cases, they failed.

All of them. I blame all of them.

But I remember from the first moment this episode came out, reading about how he was in a position of power. And in that scene, to me, he always comes off as... powerless. Lost.

I was one of the ones who made one of those comments and my rationale is face value: white male cop, in position of responsibility for the security of this vulnerable (at least we’re led to think so at the time) woman. Did she initiate? Yes. Should he have stopped it? Yes, absolutely and so should Jesse and Sarah but as previously established, none of them were at their finest in this episode. Now, looking at the situation, was Charlie actually the vulnerable one who was taken advantage of? Absolutely. My face value commentary is just about the surface level power dynamics at play that is the main reason this episode gives me the ick.

In this one we do see Charlie visibly upset. I'd have liked to see the rest of the team more worried about him or even frustrated and not understanding his predicament. I'd have liked friction more than getting a mention in the finale. There was something there worth exploring.

Yes to all of this. But apparently we are expecting too much from this show beyond the surface level stuff they give us. We’re the ones who will always want them to go deeper, and I don’t think the writers necessarily get to or perhaps want to explore that depth as much as we would like. Because at its heart the show is supposed to be about super doggo, and not so much the humans’ feelings. But as s4 and s5 have proven, they can do both. And sometimes they do it well.

Okay I made it through. The rest of the season I can mostly stomach.

Hudson and Rex S04E07 - A Stab in the Dark Web Part B

"We've got a surveillance team in place." That's great. Will you remember this in a few hours? Will they, even? Why were they so "discreet" as to let Eva near Charlie's laptop when they knew she shouldn't be on it?

Sarah is not jealous AT ALL. Nope. Not picking up anything.

"I'm so going to take advantage of this information."

Like, how can I not pin this on the whole team? Joe suggested that Charlie's place was the best place for Eva to be in, when they already thought that they were compromised, which meant that they should have assumed their home addresses were compromised as well. Charlie leaves Eva alone at his house so that Rex can go pee instead of calling either Sarah or Jesse to take him out, which would leave one cop in the van and one guarding Eva, instead of having two in the van (which helps at nothing) and zero in the house. Then we have the house which is supposedly under surveillance by Jesse and Sarah, supposedly watching, but they don't alert Charlie to the fact that Eva touched his laptop. Once Charlie realizes that she's done that, he takes her explanation at face value and doesn't ask Jesse to check his laptop.

The graphic for the disappearing chat messages on the dark web is fun.

I've had some contact with libertarians over the years, more than I'd personally like. All the talk about revolutions and whatnot, and their fondness for the dark web are indeed real. When crypto had first risen, lots of them were salivating at the idea of an unregulated and anonymous form of currency, and even more when they discovered private cryptocurrencies (which supposedly offer an extra layer of anonymity). It's funny, though, that they thought even for a bit that governments and banks would let them do that. Anyway, what I want to say is that Joe wouldn't know how to talk to that person at all. But let's disregard that.

"I can't believe that I left her with a laptop and she opened it! I said no electronics!"

And then he gives her his phone too. Forget Sarah, why didn't Jesse burst into the house?

It's true that the way some drugs are regulated actually hinders some people who could benefit from them, instead of helping. Still, in that moment, Eva is pretty much selling a sob story to Charlie, which isn't even the whole truth since she also needed those drugs for herself, to try to get him on her side.

This is a very appropriate distance.

Sarah looks like she'd fallen asleep and just woke up for the good part. Which would actually make more sense than whatever they were doing in the van with Jesse.

First time I watched this I was like, eh, let the guy kiss someone if it's not Sarah. I hadn't realized he was entering his slut era. Also, yeah, Sarah, they are, this is a very astute observation.

And Jesse is entering his pervert era.

I can't decide if he was thinking "I'm so screwed" or "I wonder if Sarah is watching".

I love that Rex is thoroughly disappointed by that development. Rex was all of us in S4.

And then the ninjas attacked. I'm assuming our surveillance is too busy watching the Charlie Hudson show to see the guy approaching the house?

Dude had knives everywhere. Charlie was lucky he wasn't hit (and I was unlucky).

"I'm having a really bad day. Thank you for letting me get off some steam."

This is the only slightly disapproving look I can find. I mean, given the circumstances, she could have said something.

What a plot twist! She lied and she used you, Charlie. Also, again, where were the rest of you when she was using Charlie's laptop?

More bad news.

I... have questions. Like, where did the paramedics go? Did she make them abandon the ambulance? And was that before or after she tied Rex to the stretcher? This scene was executed sloppily.

Congratulations, you finally figured out why he wouldn't leave Eva's side. I think that played a part in Charlie trusting Eva.

Their brilliant ideas to subdue an angry guard dog is: pet behind the ears, put jazz music... Are you kidding me? At least Jesse thought of food.

I feel like they should have made Mercurius seem more scary and money-hungry or even power-hungry.

In which season?

Sorry, that's just funny. I really don't think he's ever made the first move.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Oh god, he still doesn't get it. Because it was easier for her to manipulate you when you didn't have all the facts!

Bold of you to assume that Charlie would follow, but he's definitely not at his best. This is actually using Rex as Charlie's weakness, unlike the previous episode. Although I don't think Charlie should risk that jump regardless. Also, really, a dog wouldn't have made it? I find that hard to believe, they seem like better jumpers than humans. And have more legs.

Yeah, even at his worst, he will do the right thing.

Oh, yeah, we forgot all the hitmen that might come for her. Whoops.

The more they show that cliff, the more confident I become that Rex would have survived it and Charlie wouldn't.

Angst.

Joe: "There's nothing you or any of us could have done." Except for your jobs, but better?

Poor Charlie. He's definitely not okay. I wish they'd written something deeper about what's wrong with him.

And this is Eva letting Charlie know that she made it and even had time to hack the app to let him know that she's okay.

I like this episode but it always makes me think of what it could have been if it was another show, another production and another network involved.

Once again, I'd like to focus on the fact that after a certain point in the episode where it becomes clear that Charlie's head is not in the game, no one says anything about it. No one pulls him back, no one asks if he's okay or even what the fuck he's doing. I guess they keep all the second-guessing for the last episode of the season. Charlie tried to do his job until the very end but I think the distractions were just too much for him and they're indicative of his state of mind.

And they all made mistakes. I still don't know where to pin the surveillance failure, there were two people in the van. They should have intervened in two separate instances, one to take the laptop away from Eva and one to intercept the masked guy who also might have strolled right next to the van. Am I to presume that they put cameras inside the house and not outside? Where they suspecting Eva more than they suspected someone would show up to kill her? In both cases, they failed.

Again, this less than stellar performance from our characters is a great reason for Adele to show up and say that they need more oversight. But some part of this would have to make it to the reports for that to happen.

I've written thoughts on this episode before. I'd pointed out that Eva notices some sort of kinship and attraction between her and Charlie and she tries to use them to her advantage. Which is why the morality of their kiss is more complex than it seems at first glance. At first glance it might seem like he's the one taking advantage. He's not. Is it still wrong that he let her kiss him, and from the way the scene is shot, for several seconds too? Yes. But I remember from the first moment this episode came out, reading about how he was in a position of power. And in that scene, to me, he always comes off as... powerless. Lost.

I understand the contradictory opinions this episode causes. Personally, I like the episodes where there is an upset. We have too many episodes where everything feels like another day on the job, and it doesn't seem to affect them in either way and the repercussions begin and end in that episode. In this one we do see Charlie visibly upset. I'd have liked to see the rest of the team more worried about him or even frustrated and not understanding his predicament. I'd have liked friction more than getting a mention in the finale. There was something there worth exploring.

I'll say again that it would have been a much better storyline to write something about depression or PTSD for Charlie rather than heartbreak throughout the season. Or a combination. He has been through a lot. Maybe I'm asking again too much of this show and this belongs to fanfictions.

[georgiapeach30513]

I need to know how beau makes out at dinner with lp and the daddies!!!!!!! Especially Curtis hehehe

Lord, Curtis is going to put forth a big effort. This is going to be the first time of seeing Arleigh with a boy, but then obviously her with Beau. AND he gets to meet the whole damn family.

🖤🖤🖤🖤

I Love Our Family

Summary:  movie night with the Everett-Levinson’s

Pairings:  Everett-Levinson’s X Beau

Rating:  cute

Warnings: mild language, a bit of dirty talk, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  1K

Desperate Lives AU Masterlist

Beau Adler Masterlist

"You!” you shout playfully at Curtis.  A plate full of chocolate crinkle cookies ready for him, and he’s already salivating.  “Do you know why I made these for you?”

“Because that kid is going to be here any minute.”

“And?” you narrow your eyes at him.

Curtis gives you an eye roll, reaching for a cookie, but you smack at his hand, “And I’m going to be nice or you are going to gag me with your pussy while Ari fucks me.”

“BLECH!” Owin shouts from the living room.  “This is why I don’t live here.  Mom?” that big boy of yours stands in the doorway, “That isn’t punishment.  And did you forget I was here?  Could have said that a bit quieter.  I was trying to eat.  And dad, is it that hard to just behave?  It’s just Bunny bringing a boy.  Let me torture him in a fun way.”

Before Curtis can respond Eva runs in from the back door and pounces on Owin’s back, “Ow, son of bitch.  No biting Duckie!”

“Asshole!”

“Ma, Eva is being mean to your baby!”

“You two stop it,” you grunt packing up a few more snacks for the movie.  “How the hell did I ever survive with this bunch of hooligans.  Anyways.  No!” you turn when Ari comes in ready to take both Eva and Owin to the ground.  “Stop it, don’t you add to this.”

“Princess, I can’t help it,” he may be older than he once was, but that doesn’t stop him from grabbing Eva and slinging her on his back, to slam her to the floor.

“Do something with your children,” you huff at Curtis who only stands there chuckling.  “This isn’t funny.  I’m trying to have a nice family time and these three are always wrestling each other.”

“Oh hush, I’ll come after you next Princess.”

“Daddy!” Arleigh giggles as she walks in.  The tall figure of Beau behind her, looks around a bit horrified at the scene in front of him, but then straightens up a bit more when he gets site of Curtis.  “Daddy!  Owie!” the three biggest kids in a giant dog pile.  “Duckie!”

“Oh, now you’ve had it,” Eva growls trying to crawl towards Arleigh, but she’s caught by Owin.  “Bear, let me go!”

“Bunny doesn’t join in on the fights, little Duckie.”

“Ugh, Cub, let me go!”

“You’re all my cubs, now quit acting like heathens and get up and act like somebody before I beat you all.  Go on, up,” they all stand up looking like wounded puppy dogs.  “That’s better.  Now, Beau, I apologize that these three do not know how to behave when company comes over, but they do love each other.  Owin, Eva, introduce yourself.”

You watch your daughter get the biggest smile on her face, that little nose of her scrunching up, and Beau takes Owin’s large hand in his for a shake, even letting out an ow in the process.  “Bear!” Arleigh whines at him.  “Be nice.”

“Just playing with you.  Here’s a little hint, if we don’t pick on you, we don’t like you.”

“And this is my mom,” Arleigh tells him, “You know my daddy, but this is Curtis.”

“I know the kid,” you shoot Curtis a hard scowl and he apologizes quickly, “Sorry.  Beau, I hope you’re hungry.  Our wife doesn’t know how to cook a small amount, but Owie and Ari typically finish off what’s left.”

“Is that chocolate crinkle cookies?” those bright green eyes look over at you, and you know that your husband has the biggest frown on his face.  “My mom makes those, they’re my favorite.”

“It’s her recipe.  Ow,” you look over at Curtis who just pinched you a bit.  “They’re Curtis’ favorite too.  He’d love to share.  Everyone make their trays.  We’re watching the Goonies tonight.”

Beau timidly watches everyone load up their trays of food.  No surprise Owin’s is loaded down completely with everything but the crinkle cookies.  Eva’s isn’t much different, and Ari’s is only a bit smaller than Owin’s.  He grabs a tray, and Curtis extends the plate of cookies as a peace offering.  “They really are the best cookies.”

“Thanks sir.”

“Please, call me Curtis,” Arleigh smiles up at her dad, mouthing out a thank you, and he can’t remember the last time he saw his baby Bunny so happy.  Maybe he had judged Beau harshly because he was a boy.  And maybe he wasn’t so bad, not if he can put that big of a smile on Arleigh’s face.  Maybe, just maybe having him around wouldn’t be so terrible.  He is helping to keep Arleigh’s roots in Boston.  He’s frugal with his money, and he was a simple man, much like himself.

Curtis plops down beside you, and immediately pulls your legs over his, while you lean back on Ari.  As soon as those snacks are gone, you know that their arms will be wrapped around each other as well.  Your odd little union that is the most perfect thing.  “Little One?” hmm you whisper over to Curtis, “Our daughter is dating me.”

“Yeah,” Ari laughs like this wasn’t the most obvious thing.  “Our daughter has found a quiet man that works hard, saves all his money, would do anything for his family including the Bunny, and he’s brooding just like my husband.”

“He likes chocolate crinkle cookies.”

“Aw, Daddy,” you give him a sweet kiss to his nose before his lips, “I bet you two even have more in common than that.  Just be happy that she’s found someone that is simple and kind.  Just like another man I know.  You were her first date.”

“I was.  I expect him to bring her wildflowers too.  I’ll have to have a talk with him on how to treat our Bunny.”

“You do that,” you give him a tap on his chest and settle back down, “Now, lets watch this movie with all our kiddos,” you look out at the lawn, even grown they still sprawl out like little kids.  Throwing candy at each other and trying to catch it with their mouths, or just laid back and relaxed watching the movie.  “I love our family.”

“Me, too.”  “Ya’ll are alright.”  “Shh! The movie is on!”  “Bear your voice is louder than the whispers!” “Ah! Sean Astin is the cutest thing.”

Masterlist

[dalekofchaos]

What would you say are the biggest mistakes Mass Effect 3 made?

Okay this is going to be a long one, but these would be the biggest mistakes ME3 ever made in my opinion

Choosing Cerberus over The Reapers. The thing that annoyed me most about ME3 is the fact that Harbinger is not the main threat. The Illusive Man is. Harbinger has been built up as the big bad since ME2. "YOU HAVE FAILED. WE WILL FIND ANOTHER WAY." He says as he discards the Collectors. Then his speech to Shepard as the base blows up. "Human, you've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction. You will surrender your potential against the growing void. We return, and you will rise. We are the harbinger of your perfection. We will bring your species into harmony with our own. Your species will be raised to a new existence. We are the beginning, you will be the end. Prepare for our domination. Prepare for our coming." Then in Arrival, he came pretty damn close to unleashing quick subjugation and harvest upon an unprepared galaxy. Upon Shepard foiling his plans. "Shepard. You have become an annoyance. You fight against inevitability. Dust struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you. A star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us. Know this as you die in vain: Your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the Arrival." The perfect final villain right? Unfortunately, Cerberus was more focused on than The Reapers. My problem with Cerberus and no Harbinger is Too many Cerberus, too few Reaper forces in plot. We fight Cerberus more often than the reapers. Hardly any boss fight and the one with Reaper Destroyer on Rannoch was more an interactive movie than fight. During the Horizon mission in Mass Effect 2, Harbinger was solidified as the Big Bad. It was menacing and ominous, with just the right amount of annoying. It taunted us throughout the game, telling us how insignificant we were, and how our actions were pointless. It was willing to posses drones through the Collector General to fight us personally, and when we killed the host, it tossed them aside. Harbinger even gave the typical “You haven’t seen the last of me!” villain rant. It made any fire fight frustrating, and that made me want to kill it even more; I hated Harbinger. Many games fail to do that. Harbinger was an enemy which I looked forward to defeating. I had the desire to annihilate. In Mass Effect 3, I got a codex entry and a cameo. Harbinger just swoops in at the last second and blows my friends and I to hell(and lets the Normandy save them), then flies off. Personally, I would have loved to hear Harbinger’s menacing monologue, it drove me on. I would have felt a deeper motivation to take the fight back to Earth if it told me how much destruction the Reapers were causing, how many lives were lost. I felt cheated when I got to the final mission, only to suddenly realize it was largely absent from the game. Harbinger has been replaced. Replaced by the Illusive Man and Kai Leng. The former is an old acquaintance, albeit one now controlled by the Reapers. The latter is a space ninja from a terrible book. What would've been amazing is if Harbinger IS the Catalyst. Harbinger taunts and haunts Shepard throughout the game He uses the memory of that child to haunt Shepard as a symbol of humanity lost. After Shepard activates the Crucible. Harbinger appears. He explains to why and how The Reapers were made. the AI Leviathan created to solve the equation is Harbinger all along, Harbinger manipulated The Leviathan into giving it Reaper form and birth at first it did what it commanded and what they asked of it was to look at the dark energy building up which back then was only an anomaly that Leviathan was concerned with but then the first harvest began and Harbinger and The Reapers were born. Funny enough, Leviathan reminds me so much of FMA:Brotherhood. The Intelligence tricked Leviathan to create the Reaper is very similar to how the Dwarf in the flask became Father. So what I think should have happened is it would've been revealed that Harbinger is the AI that convinced the Leviathan that harvest was the only way to survive and justifies the harvests not because organics and synthetics can't coexist, but because of the dark matter crisis. Throughout the game we would have more confrontations with Harbinger. Have him "ASSUME CONTROL" during fights. Give us a voiced confrontation between Shepard and Harbinger. Make it clear that Harbinger chose The Illusive Man and convinced him of together they could uplift and empower humanity over the lesser races. The Illusive Man is to Harbinger, as what Saren was for Soverign. Then the Crucible will grant us the choice to Destroy or Control The Reapers or Harvest this cycle to survive the Dark Matter crisis. You could either. Destroy Harbinger and The Reapers, while the united races would discover a way to stop the dark matter problem. Give in to Harbinger to harvest humanity to save the galaxy. Control The Reapers to stop the harvesting and to work together to stop the dark matter crisis.

Choosing to have a smaller crew than ME2 and focusing solely on the ME1 characters and screwing over or ignoring the ME2 crew, especially romancing Jack, Miranda and Thane. If it were up to me, this is what my ideal ME3 line up would be Ashley/Kaidan EDI Garrus Liara Tali Javik Jack Miranda Thane(EA forgot about him and simply chose to kill him off, I think Thane could’ve rejoined the crew and even had a mission where we find a cure for Thane and Kolyat) Grunt Mordin(you'll see how later) Legion(You'll see later) Balak or any Batarian Squadmember. Ideally it would be someone who survived the Bahak system or even a Batarian freedom fighter who puts his people’s survival over the pride and prejudices of the Hegemony. His sole goal is to liberate Khar'shan and save his people. But for a more memorable person, Balak would be the squad member. I would make killing Balak not an option. The last high ranking officer in the Hegemony. Instead of causing deaths on the Citadel, he seeks Shepard out. It’s an enemy of my enemy is my friend. Over time, Balak would show remorse for his past actions as a terrorist and for the Hegemony’s past. Shepard and Balak learns to overcome their differences and see each other as friend and works together to destroy the Reapers. We would get a Priority Khar’shan where we could liberate the planet and the Batarians would be in a fighting force.

Keeping James alive. I like James, but he added absolutely nothing to the game. We already had an Alliance character. Ashley Williams/Kaidan Alenko. James should have been the Jenkins/Wilson of the game. He should have died in the crash to take out Eva and Ashley/Kaidan should have been with us from beginning to end. James is a character we barely know. We’ve waited a long ass time to see Ashley/Kaidan and it was downright disappointing that neither Ashley nor Kaidan did not get to interact with Garrus on Priority Palaven and Wrex during Priority S’Urkesh.

Mirandafying Ashley Williams. Mirandafying Ashley Williams for Mass Effect 3 was shallow and unnecessary. Wearing loose and long hair and skimpy clothing? Ashley Williams is a by the books soldier. She would not look like this. She would not grow her hair or let it down like this. I mean, it’s not that they changed her face so much, but they just tried too hard with the makeup, hair and outfit. Ashley didn’t need to be model-sexy and run around in heels and showing cleavage. She was already sexy as hell in her own way. All they needed to do was give her the Alliance Crewmen outfit as her casual look and the Phoenix Armor and the current Alliance type armor she was given in ME3, as well as a unique Spectre armor. It's not just the shallow Mirandafying. It's the fact that Ashley has little to no interactions. Ashley barely has any interactions in the game. Compared to Kaidan, Ashley is not interactable. I don't like that Ashley barely has any interactions and just feels...hollow. Ashley should have crew moments with Joker, Adams, Ashley at the monument mourning those who died with the original Normandy, Liara, Tali and Garrus. Was it so much to ask for simple interactions? And really, Ashley in the first game had a personality, Ashley in ME3 feels hollow.

Choosing Diana Allers over Emily Wong and Khalisah al-Jilani. Emily and Khalisah are two reporters we actually know and respect. They earned their place on the Normandy. Emily reported on crime and traffic controllers. Khalisah gave us hard hitting questions and actually cared about reporting on what the fuck was going on in the galaxy. They earned their place on the Normandy as far as I'm concerned. Compare that to Diana Allers. What has Diana Allers done to deserve a spot on the Normandy? Nothing. They created the Battlespace to make her seem like a hip and cool Alliance News Correspondent. Allers looked, weird and she just comes off as annoying and she's a waste of space on the Normandy when we could've had a whole new or returning squad member. God, I WISH Javik could throw her out the fucking airlock. You had TWO perfectly great reporter characters and you did jackshit for any of them. Just so you could have an excuse to hire Jessica Chobot.

Not letting us see Tali's face on Rannoch. Legendary Edition fixed the mistake by finally showing us Tali's face, but it's still exclusive to Shali romancers. What should have happened was we see Tali's face when she unmasks on Rannoch. If we don't romance her, she unmasks and gives us a smile. If we romance her we see her face and kiss her. Something simple like that. It would've been great to see

Not having the ME2 squad members join in on the Citadel DLC. I mean for fuck's sake, it's like they want us to know "fuck you, ME1 squadmembers only" Again, why? Why wasn’t Jack, Miranda, Grunt, Samara, Jacob, Zaeed and Kasumi not added? If we romanced Jack or Miranda, why didn't they come to save us when we were being hunted? Why not REALLY making it feel like Team Hammerhead by actually adding the ME2 Squad members to the Citadel DLC before the party? There was no reason why you couldn't include the ME2 squad members in the Citadel DLC

Making Cerberus the villains instead of uneasy allies, when The Batarians were the perfect allies for The Reapers. This might just be me but I think Cerberus should have been on our side in ME3 and The Batarians should have been fighting for The Reapers. Makes sense Cerberus has just been a rouge organization doing what the job no matter what the cost(even if the cost is atrocities) and instead of indoctrinating themselves they could of studied it to make themselves immune to indoctrination and The Illusive Man's goal was to use any means necessary in order to destroy The Reapers. I also like the idea that you know you can't trust him, but he does get results. The Council and The Alliance are desperate, so they accept a partnership with Cerberus. The Batarians have always held a grudge against The Alliance, The Council and would have wanted revenge for Bahak/ Viper Nebula. The fact that there are no consequences for what we had to do in Arrival from The Batarians just doesn't make any sense and you'd think this would give The Batarians the motive to turn to The Reapers. Hell in the Terra Nova DLC in Mass Effect 1 it seemed to me that Balak was already indoctrinated and Balak’s revelation of the “Batarian rebellion” makes it seem like they would be the perfect tools for The Reapers. Balak will be the new Saren figure. If you killed Balak, then The Reapers would just bring him back. The first act of war for the Batarians was the destruction of the Viper Nebula, so their retaliation was killing Udina. Prior to the Reaper invasion of Earth, Udina would go to Omega to make peace talks with Aria. The Batarians attack and gain control of Omega, Aria is ousted(but saved by General Petrovsky) and Udina is executed live for the galaxy to see. Because of Udina's execution and Anderson leading the resistance on Earth. The Illusive Man is now the Human Councilor. Miranda and Kai Leng would be squad members. Depending on if you gave TIM the Collector Base or destroyed it, he will either keep you in the dark or help you at every turn. Just think of the Cerberus War Assets Cerberus Scientists General Oleg Petrovsky Collector Base Cerberus Fighters Cerberus Phantoms Cerberus Engineers Project Phoenix We would get a big mission to deal with the Batarians, Priority:Khar'shan. If you do not deal with the Batarians, there will be major casualties. However half of the Batarian forces are not indoctrinated and just want to end the mistakes of their government and live. Balak wants to kill the rebellion of his people. Ironic. Somehow Balak has placed enough bombs on the planet to destroy everyone who is resisting Reaper indoctrination. We can either. Talk Balak out of it. Telling him to resist and fight for your people(which WOULD gain Balak as an ally) or talk Balak into killing himself. Or the true Renegade option is to kill Balak and order a strike that wipes out the Batarian forces, but sacrificing the Batarian Rebellion. By the time we get to Priority Earth everyone is on the same page and united against the true threat, The Reapers. And it is Harbinger who is the final boss

Not having Maelon be there with Mordin in ME3. This isn't really a problem, but I had a thought. If we spared Maelon and kept Maelon's data for the cure. Maelon should have been on board to help Mordin with the cure. If we warn Mordin and Maelon about the sabotage, then Maelon would choose to sacrifice himself to save Mordin. And after that, Mordin would choose to join Shepard's crew.

Legion's "death" is pointless. He....is software. He could easily copy and paste The Reaper code without sacrificing himself in the same manner when he was broadcasting the Reaper signal to all Geth. Or he could've disseminated himself after he made a copy and transfer that copy over to his platform. I just get the feeling that they didn't want to keep Mordin, Thane or Legion alive....for reasons.

[wnnbdarklord]

EDIT: so I started writing this like a week ago, but honestly the finale killed any desire in me to interact with this show in a fannish way. So have these half assed notes. I think it's obvious where I lost steam. These ideas are free for use for anyone who wants them in fic, have at you. As it is, I don't think I'll interact with this show as a fan any further than this.

How I would write a Loki show in bullet points (and a mishmash of short scenes and dialogue, let's be honest) for my sanity!

Presuming some disney exec came down from on high and forced the inclusion of EG!Loki and the TVA (because otherwise it'd be IW!Loki that survived and it'd be all about him finding his best life away from Earth, Asgard, Thor and the whole Thanos/EG situation. Or if I only had to include the TVA, it'd be IW!Loki dealing with the TVA, not EG!Loki):

Fair warning: this will likely be a mess since I'm not entirely motivated to not have it be so. 

[cut for length]

Ep1:

- Loki escapes to Nidavelir and uses the tools there to get rid of the chains and muzzle. A CONTROLLED use of the Tesseract, thankyouverymuch

- the TVA comes for him and Loki is wary and on the alert, exhausted from the whole Avengers thing so he immediately makes a clone to interact with the TVA and observes from afar

- the TVA fall for it when they try to bitchslap him like in the show, but immediately regroup when it goes through the illusion and start a search pattern. Their tech can scan for his temporal aura and they close in on Loki quickly (show the TVA as at least somewhat competent or they're shit antagonists for Loki)

- Loki, who still has hold of the Tesseract, portals out of there

- what follows is a quick chase scene across multiple planets and realms, but the TVA are always on his heels. The longest time they take to find him is during an ongoing apocalypse on a random planet that's enough for Loki to get a quick breather. but you know, disaster's on the horizon, so he has to leave eventually. but this is the first clue both we as an audience and Loki get about potential hiding places.

- when an exhausted Loki finally turns to fight, he manages to take several minutemen out  (justifying B-15's hate on for him) before one of them gets in a lucky shot and freezes him

- "Who are you people?" [short flash of Loki's eyes flashing green and the entire scene getting a strange cast, floating energy swirling around everything. It's beautiful, but the TVA people's energy is out of sync, out of touch and strangely jagged compared to their surroundings]

- they slap the collar on him and march him into the TVA

- Loki immediately tries to pull the same illusion trick but it doesn't work cause no magic in the TVA (maybe some visual indication of what he's trying to do, but it doesn't go past his skin. You know, like Sylvie managed in ep 3 -.-)

- he doesn't wildly panic, but we see his breathing speed up and he immediately looks at his left hand and relaxes when he sees it isn't turning blue. 

- okay so the TVA have caught him, he's on their shit list, no magic, exhausted, no idea what's going on, who these people are or how powerful they are - he chooses to play nice for now and bide his time

- the whole intake process is spent in quiet observation mode, only speaking when spoken to

- discomfort at being out of his clothes, but maybe only a wry joke about them wanting to strip him naked (making him a participant in all the thirst jokes)

- he doesn't ask if a lot of people don't know they're robots like a child wanting validation and he's not visibly afraid. Instead, we see him look at his hand again and try for wry humor when asking. But he steps into the device without much hesitation. It's death vs certainty and we already know he's chosen death once before.

- the propaganda cartoon is much shorter and plays in the background so we can see Loki's incredulous eyebrow raise at it. the ticket thing gets an eyeroll, but ready compliance since it's not worth it to argue

- when he sees the other guy get "pruned", he immediately reaches for the ticket to reassure himself it's there, but doesn't wave it around triumphantly, just sighs in relief

- trial can stay mostly unchanged, just no stupid magic attempt in the middle

"It's not your story, Mr. Laufeyson, it never was" (AND THIS SHALL BE PROVEN FALSE, you know, unlike in the show where it turned out to be their fucking mission statement) also, Loki gives her murder eyes for calling him that

- in fact, instead of trying magic, Loki holds up the controller he stole from  B-15 as she was escorting him to the trial and waves as he disappears through a door backwards

After that scene is the church scene with bodies, establishing Mobius as a hunter of dangerous variants. Someone is killing TVA officers

Mobius gets called back as in canon, but arrives too late to stop our Loki from leaving

Sidenote: Loki still has the tesseract since it was in his pocket dimension during the fight the TVA nabbed him in

Ep 2:

- it's now a few days/weeks later. Loki is back in his own clothes, a simpler outfit not geared for war. He's in the biggest library in the universe, the depository of almost all knowledge, looking for information about the TVA. there is Nothing, suspiciously so

- once again, the TVA shows up and he has to run yet again. maybe he kills this team too, to buy himself more time. he steals a melt stick and more time pads and reset charges

- he needs more information and the only place he'll get it is at the TVA it seems, so he shapeshifts into his female form, dressed as one of the many paperpushers at the TVA and we see her being relieved that the spelled clothing is holding once she passes through the time door

(another aside, but ideally the female form is more like Eva Green or Katie McGrath. AND NOT BLONDE)

- acting like she belongs, Loki effortlessly manages to snoop around the TVA for a few hours

- there's only one close call with C-20, but Loki manages to deflect suspicion by parroting the motto at her, which Loki reads from a nearby propaganda poster (cause Loki is good at lying, manipulation and flying by the seat of their pants)

- eventually, she ends up at the archive area and begins researching. We see that Loki is competent at this and is quick to pick up the filing system. the variant number from the papers she signed the episode before becomes relevant to finding the appropriate files

- before she can dig too deep into her own life story as laid out by these people, just as she finds the Ragnarok Report, Mobius finds her (maybe there was a silent alarm triggered by unauthorized access or something. Slightly more competent TVA)

- there is a scene where Mobius and Loki play a game of chicken and manipulation, wordplay and lying until it becomes clear Mobius knows who Loki is (actually establishing some camaraderie)

- Loki gets a little hoisted by their own petard since they're enjoying the banter so much, the backup Mobius called for catches them a little off guard, collared again

- since info gathering is still the name of the game, Loki doesn't try to get away just yet

(during this entire scene, Mobius is the same offhandedly condescending prick he is in canon, but it's very obviously framed that way)

(also featuring confirmation of the genderfluidity thing because fuck you disney)

M: "Nice disguise. Really had me fooled for a second there."

L: "It's hardly a disguise. I am always myself."

[Loki shifts back to male, though the clothes remain the same (shifting =/= magic)]

M: "Yeah, well, next time you want to go undercover at the TVA, maybe don't choose a face we already have from several other of your variants."

[Loki twitches a little, since that wasn't a form he openly wore a lot (even when he wanted to) cause Asgard is a dick about shifting genders] 

L: "And how does that work exactly?"

M: "Got your entire life on file, buddy. But you know, sometimes Asgard isn't a complete stick in the mud the day you gather enough courage to show up to dinner in a dress. We usually have to prune those timelines quickly."

[Loki's grin is more like a snarl, frozen on his face, since he picks up the implications loud and clear (the implication being that him being too happy is not allowed in the Sacred Timeline)]

M: [picks up the files Loki was looking at] "Come on, I've got something to show you."

-cue time theater scene

-that little scene of looking out at the TVA does not feature Loki being impressed or awed at the TVA's tech. It features him being scared/uneasy because the TVA is completely dead to his senses. Loki's eyes do the same flash as before, but everything is completely dull, no energy anywhere. He can barely see some swirls on his own arms]

-Loki asks why this charade, Mobius tells him the TVA is willing to come to an agreement with Loki for his help

"You're not the only one running around messing up the Sacred Timeline. Come on, job interview time."

(it's really really not)

- Mobius tries the same schtick as before, but it's both less and more effective. Less cause Loki has had a bit more time to collect himself since the invasion, more cause he's more aware of the TVA's power and has been chased by them for a while now

- we see Loki being affected by the Frigga thing BUT he also picks up how edited the reel is

- still, he lets Mobius do the "only thing you're good for" bit until we see him look up with murder in his eyes, even through the tears

- "I am going to burn this place to the ground and I am going to start with you. That is my bargain."

"Yeah, cause your "bargains" [Mobius full on air quotes here] work out so well for you," he says, offering Loki a hand up

-cue alarm and Mobius rushing out

-Loki grabs the files Mobius left behind, and also the tape in the hologram projector and escapes

- no infinity stones scene, cause Loki still has the Tesseract and doesn't go to look for more

- cut to the TVA running around in a panic, multiple branches forming on the displays. It's the same bombing plot as in the show, but now serving as a distraction for Loki to get away

- when they figure this out, Ravonna: "You should have just pruned him when you found him. There's a reason we don't reset Loki variants. Our luck always runs out eventually with them. Fix this, Mobius. Or you'll have to answer to the TimeKeepers."

- back to Loki, he steps out into chaos as something explodes behind him. He's in another apocalypse. During his running from the TVA, he noticed it takes them longer to find him whenever there's a lot of chaos around him, death and destruction. He finds a still intact building, seems high tech. Everyone else has already evacuated

- he takes the Tesseract out and blue and green energy surges around him and engulfs the building. It's suddenly quiet and we see outside the windows are pitch black 

- Loki quickly looks away

"Finally, some peace and quiet."

He slumps down to the floor, files scattered around him, tesseract nearby and curls up, dejected and exhausted 

Side note: Loki doesn't need to worry about recharging tempads since he has the tesseract, which was established in Avengers as able to provide infinite energy

Ep 3:

- he finds out about the variants in this episode, maybe goes looking for other variants before the TVA finds them

-how Loki finds out the TVA are all variants: he'd knocked out B-15 for a bit to interrogate her

-they're found by another team of minutemen, led by B-16, who is wearing B-15's face. Several of the other minutemen we've seen Loki kill in earlier episodes as well. They attack *both* of them cause they assume B-15 is compromised. Loki and B-15 work together and kill the whole lot, staring at each other incredulously

"You're Variants! You're all Variants!"

[B-15 collapses to her knees in shock] 

End episode

EDIT: My basic idea for episodes 4 & 5 were Loki and B-15 working together and travelling through various timelines trying to get to the TimeKeepers, but realizing something was wrong the further they went. Time begins breaking down, paradoxes are all over the place and the TVA keeps pruning some specific place so much that sometimes two teams are on top of each other. Stuff like that. 

I also had a few scenes where Loki meets other variants (that aren't him), but who actually like and even love him. Men, women, variations thereupon, and one or two who would mistake Loki for their Loki. So we get bi confirmation without actually including romance in the show itself, because 6 episodes isn't enough to develop that along with everything else that's going on.

Vaguely outlined here: 

My "how to include the bi thing without the main story being a romance and also indicating that Loki is able to be liked and loved by people who aren't just variants of himself, please and thank you":

(note to self, rewrite this so it makes sense lol EDIT: lol, don't feel like it so this is all you get, folks!) 

a variant significant other, male: kisses Loki

Loki: You are clearly my type, but I'm sorry. I'm not him.

[heartbroken expression on the variant]

from another timeline Loki visits:

woman holding a sword to his head after looking at him suspiciously: Change back!

Loki: Into who?!

woman: Her!

[Loki shapeshifts into his female self]

woman lets go of the sword

"You escaped! When Odin took you away, I thought he would kill you. Why did you never come back to me, my love?"

EDIT: My "twist" ending was that the Time Keepers were dead, not that they never existed. Some sort of mcguffin exists to just break the whole TVA and free the timelines. Idk, maybe the TVA was just a test to see if it'd work, but the system just kept perpetuating itself after the power hungry losers kept it going beyond the bounds of the experiment. Either way: 

villain plot twist: the time keepers are long dead. the TVA is a terrible system that perpetuated itself on its own, only a few judges were aware that the timekeepers had ever died. The entire System Has To Go (lol like disney would ever go there)

The system is literally Killing the Universe, since the universe's natural state of being is a multiverse. But the system don't care, system don't give a shit. System only exists to perpetuate itself, system's survival is the most important, catastrophic universal failure need not apply

(this is way too on the nose for disney, but since this rewrite's motto is Fuck Disney, it shall stay)

EDIT: this was how I imagined the climax of the series.

Mobius or Ravonna (i never decided): "All the chaos, all the possibilities? How can you stand the uncertainty? How can you believe the world will be any better than it is now?"

Loki: "Because it has to be!" [smashy smashy TVA]

series ends with the timeline breaking free

we see various scenes of the variants in their former lives, happy

and AU scenes of the previous movies:

Loki gets pulled up on the bridge

Loki accepts Thor's offer during the Avengers

Loki gets up on Svartalfheim, bleeding heavily, but doesn't go to Asgard but to Thor

Loki tricks Thanos during IW

Loki as an Avenger

Loki as a kid

Loki as a girl

Loki on jotunheim, fully jotun

Loki on Asgard, jotun

faster and faster, all sorts of different AU scenes until the screen goes dark and we see our Loki, smirking

"But...well, those are stories for another time."

and he steps back into the shadows.

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1981

The X-Men, those back-to-the-future mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(Uncanny X-Men 141 - 152) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Brent Anderson, Dave Cockrum, Jim Sherman, Bob McLeod and Josef Rubinstein

While I also committed various fashion atrocities at the age of 14 (tye-die and fauxhawks, oh my), even Liberace would find Kitty’s outfits too much. (Uncanny X-Men 149; Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘81)

We dial back from the v. epic scope of the last few arcs. Instead, 1981 is just a lot of fun! We get:

Storm and Emma doing a Freaky Friday!

the X-Men vs. Magneto (again!)

A surprisingly effective Alien rip-off

An dystopian future! (OoOoOoOo)

Last year was the year of the Dark Phoenix, this is the year of Kitty Pryde. That’s not to say Jean’s death is swept under the rug: all throughout, we see her friends mourning her loss or remembering her fondly. (Scott even gets to have a demonic adventure about it.) But in general, Claremont puts Kitty in the forefront, fleshing out his YA-addition to the team. And what would a YA heroine be without a grim dystopia? Roll out the iconic Days of Future Past!

To be fair, 2013 was a dark time for all of us: What Does the Fox Say somehow got to the top of the charts and I was still watching Glee. (Uncanny X-Men 141)

How cool would it have been to see a name like Jonothon Starsmore or Eva Bell on those tombstones?

Anyway, that’s Kate. Kate’s had it rough. Mutants are at the bottom of the foodchain, most X-Men are dead and only a small cadre of resistance fighters remain, Sentinels dominate, and while she is married to Piotr, her children have been murdered. Bleak. Luckily, the rebellion has concocted the plan to shunt Kate’s spirit back in time to prevent this awful future from happening. (You’ve seen Days of Future Past, the last passably good X-Men film, you know what’s up.)

Let’s do the time warp again! 1981!Kitty’s mind gets taken over by 2013!Kitty, who promptly tries to convince the X-Men that a new Brotherhood of v. Evil Mutants will try to kill Senator Kelly, a presidential candidate who tries to put the mutant menace on the agenda. (Mutants tend to blow stuff up when he’s around.) Since the X-Men recently took a literal trip to Dante’s Infero and also befriended a cosmic world-ending entity, they basically shrug and go: “Yeah, this checks out.”

Off to Washington they go (zoommm) and there, they happen upon the Baddest Bitches in Herstory:

“How dare you hate mutants, senator Kelly! We’ll fix that by killing you!” (Uncanny X-Men 141)

This All-New, All-Different Brotherhood consists out of:

Destiny, a blind woman who can see the future. Definitely the eeriest member of this group. Badass lesbian, though that won´t be canon for years.

Avalanche. Greek who makes things shake. Is a long-standing member of the X-Men Rogue’s gallery, but rarely features in the spotlight. I think he got more characterization in four years of X-Men Evolution than he ever did in the comics.

Mystique. Shapeshifter. Ruthless and unhinged, the Cersei Lannister of the X-Men universe. Absolute legend, secretly the wife of Destiny, currently not as unhinged as she’ll be later. Immediately implied to be related to Nightcrawler: it’s the yellow-eyes-blue-skin-combo.

Pyro. Can manipulate fire, not create it. Absolute pillock, in all the best ways of the word. Originally intended as gay, but they decided to make him Australian instead. (?!)

Blob. Big, strong, immovable. We’ve seen him before.

One of the details in this fight I enjoy is that Storm is still struggling with her leadership, although she has a better grip on things than Cyclops:

Wolverine then proceeds to use those iconic but deadly claws about twice per issue for the next, oh, forty years. (Uncanny X-Men 142)

While the X-Men fight the Brotherhood in the present, we cut back and forth to the future. There, the X-Men consist out of some familiar faces - Storm, Colossus, Wolverine - and some surprises: Magneto (in a wheelchair), Franklin Richards (son of) and an unfamiliar ginger girl called Rachel. (She’ll be important later.) We even learn (one of) Magneto’s names: this is the first time he’s canonically called Magnus.

One of the strengths of Days of Future Past lies in its brevity, the way it tantalizingly taunts us with a brutal but familiar future without giving away too much. It’s single-handedly responsible for all those dark future timelines the X-lines are so fond of which will eventually culminate in time-displaced grandsons from alternative dimensions and the impossibility of a succinct answer to the question: “Who’s Cable?” Too much of a good thing and all that.

Still, what Days of Future Past does so successfully is:

Put the idea of the mutant menace back at the forefront, hammering home the metaphor of mutants being a minority. Mutants being put in camps and being forbidden to breed should - regretfully - make us think of all too many real life equivalents. (Specifically, all of the imagery harkens back to the Holocaust.)

It starkly shows what happens should the X-Men lose, reminding everyone of the stakes. The X-Men are here for a reason: bridging the gap between mutants and humankind. If they fuck up, we end up with mutant concentration camps.

It helps that the X-Men in the future almost all die horribly: Franklin is incinerated, Storm is impaled… It's brutal stuff. The only one to survive is Rachel, who wonders if their plan actually changed the future or if they created an alternative timeline. (It did the latter, sorry ‘bout it, Rachel.)

In the present, Kate chases after Destiny, who trains a gun on senator Kelly. I always wondered how this works: if Destiny saw the future, she knew that killing Kelly would trigger a terrifying future. What in the current Marvel timeline made her decide that the Days of Future Past was better? Did she see her own death? Did she see the Onslaught-crossover coming? The Chuck Austen run? What was it?

In any case, time-anomalous Kate stops Destiny from killing Kelly and the future is safe! For now. Kate disappears, Kitty returns to her body and some of the Brotherhood are apprehended. All is well, for now.

After being a key figure in DoFP, Kitty is also the main character in the Christmas special, which is basically a straight up horror and a pastiche of the Alien-movie.

Seriously, John Byrne still isn’t sure why he wasn’t sued by Ridley Scott for this. (Uncanny X-Men 143)

If you love Kitty Pryde? Read this issue. If you’re not convinced you like 80’s Kitty? Read this issue. It’s not continuity relevant and it’s basically Kitty playing the part of a Final Girl in a horror where she’s being chased by a demon, but it’s so good. It showcases all her strengths and her foibles. Kitty’s intelligent, cute (sometimes preciously so) and brave, but she’s also young, self-conscious and hot-headed. And it's not as if the other X-Men automatically adore her: Storm berates her all the time, she’s afraid of Kurt because of the way he looks (though she grows out of that) and she fights with Professor Xavier a lot. Moreover, she has a clever power-set for a young superhero who faces menaces on a daily basis: a thirteen year old who can go intangible is far less likely to have reality ensue on her and be dramatically offed because she's better at protecting herself.

I’m sure there are people who thought Sprite was hogging the spotlight, but I, for one, say she brings more to the table than, say, Angel. She’s not the Dawn Summers of this franchise.

Scott also gets a side quest. Poor guy can’t catch a break: first the love of his life dies, so he quits the X-Men, then he realizes he can’t do much else than be a superhero. He becomes a sailor on the ship of spunky captain Lee Forrester, is drawn into the sadistic plans of a demon unironically named D’Spayre and then shipwrecks in Bermuda with Lee.

The X-Men, meanwhile, are tormented by a team-up of Doom (who’s currently Latverialess and working on a comeback) and Arcade, that annoying crony. Locke, Arcade’s dom, has kidnapped the loved ones of the X-Men (Moira MacTaggart, Jean Grey’s parents, Illyana Rasputin and Amanda Sefton) in order to blackmail them into getting Doom to free Arcade. Apparently, Arcade accidentally insulted Doom and DOOM DOES NOT FORGIVE THAT FOLLY.

While the B-Squad (Polaris, Havok, Banshee and Iceman) goes to save Arcade’s hostages, the X-Men sneak into Doom’s castle. Well, except for Storm, who doesn’t give a single fuck and simply flies up to Doom, demanding an audience. Doom likes the cut of her jib and invites her to have dinner. (This is pre-Tinder, so this is a legit way of scoring a date.)

If Storm has a flaw (I said if!), it’s got to be her atrocious taste in men. (Uncanny X-Men 145)

The X-Men find Arcade’s cell empty, while Arcade casually saunters up to Storm and says hi. Storm realizes too late that this is a trap: while the X-Men are all trapped in Saw-like traps, Storm is encased in ‘living chrome’.

If you remember she’s claustrophobic, you know why this is a bad move.

While the X-Men free themselves from their traps - Polaris hilariously has to deal with a murderous merry-go-round - Storm is slowly driven mad in her prison, triggering a worldwide tempest. (She causes Lee and Scott to shipwreck.) Under the threat of Wolverine’s claws, Doom releases Storm - or rather, unleashes her.

“Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!” (Uncanny X-Men 147)

The memory of Jean brings Ororo back to herself and she starts undoing the superstorm she created. (If only climate change were reversed that easily.) Their confrontation ends by Storm easily forgiving Doom, because she apparently trespassed on his grounds without adequate cause.

Mkay.

All of Arcade’s hostages return to their homesteads, except for Illyana Rasputin, Piotr’s sister: she’s staying at the mansion for a while. Angel, who’s sort of been a part of the team since the Phoenix thing, has had it with Wolverine and his ‘tude, and decides to quit the X-Men : he doesn’t want to be a part of an outfit that has a killer like Wolverine on it. (Or maybe he’s just mad Claremont didn’t give him any storylines: his presence has been mostly pointless.) It’s too bad he left before Kitty started experimenting with her outfits: I bet he would have loved her ugly-ass costumes.

Equally inconsequential is the introduction of a brand new character, who then proceeds to disappear from the narrative for the rest of the year:

Black Tom has tried to kill you at least twice, but him sending you a long-lost daughter doesn’t give you pause? Ugh, Sean, you deserve Moira. (Uncanny X-Men 148)

Intrigued by Theresa? TOO BAD, WON’T SEE HER AGAIN ANYTIME SOON.

Another new character is the lonely, decidedly mutant looking Caliban, who can sense “people like him” and is on the lookout for companions. Like many lonely people who try and grasp at friendship, he decides to overshoot his shot and ruin the night of Storm, Kitty and Jessica Drew at a Dazzler concert. Because he tries to kidnap Kitty, the girls react a trifle aggressively. When they realize their mistake - the eerily pale Caliban is a simpleton rather than a menace - he’s already fled. No mention is made of the Morlocks yet!

There’s also another dull annual where the X-Men team up with the Fantastic Four to save Arkon’s dimension from the Badoon and yaaaaawn. Far more interesting is the landmark issue #150. Slowly, through the adventures of Scott and Lee Forrester, Claremont has been setting things up for the return of a favorite villain. While the X-Men investigate Magneto’s old base in Antarctica on a hunch of Professor X and tangle with Garruk, Scott and Lee survive Storm’s tempest, only to wake up next to a strange island that seems to have been raised from the ocean.

It’s apparently some ancient citadel from a long forgotten civilization with a fondness for squid statues. (I don’t know man, I’ve never been to the Bermuda Triangle, maybe this is just super-accurate.)The tentacles make Lee Forrester feel very amorous, but before Scott can tell her he is way too repressed to just have sex with an attractive someone he’s known intimately for a month or two, Magneto saves his ass by revealing he, in fact, raised this island from the seafloor.

Oh, Magneto. So extra.

My ambitious little mutant demagogue then proceeds to take the entire world hostage, showing how much he’s grown from the pompous, raving madman from the sixties. (Sure, Magneto is still a bit of a madman, but increasingly, he starts being on the right side of history.)

“I’m trying to make Magneto more sympathetic.”

“Just put him on a page with some bigger villains who are less noble, like the Vanisher, Count Nefaria, or…”

“Reagan, Thatcher and Brezhnov?”

“Er.” (Uncanny X-Men 150)

It’s obvious Magneto is being pivoted as a more noble villain, codified into the well-intentioned extremist we know and love today. Not only do we get the first hints at his past, fleshing out his motivations, he’s also not wrong. Humans are historically not great at taking care of the planet or each other.

When the Russians call his bluff and launch nukes at Magneto’s new island, he quickly disarms them. His retribution is swift and ferocious: the entire citadel is a machine that massively amplifies his powers. He sinks the submarine that launched the missiles, condemning the entire crew to death, and he casually erects a vulcano in a Russian city in Siberia.

Damn. Not messing around this time.

Despite his good intentions, Magneto is still definitely in the wrong: not only because of his methods, but as Scott points out: if Magneto unifies the world under his kind of benevolent dictatorship, all of that will simply fall apart as soon as Magnus dies.

In a way, Magneto is just as big a dreamer as Charles is: Charles believes in peace and integration, whereas Magneto believes his iron fist will be enough to make a perfect world happen. Both of them ignore the reality that acceptance is difficult and messy, because you’re trying to change essential human nature: the fear of the other. Magneto believes in big, sweeping gestures that will fix the world in move, while changing the world is also boring, hard work. One step forward, two steps back. Magneto just wants to leapfrog to his ultimate goal.

The X-Men fly over the citadel, returning from Antarctica, and their plane crashes into the ocean. (Magneto does not brook planes over his territory, humans!) The Professor is also nearby, looking for Scott with Moira, Peter Corbeau and Carol Danvers. The X-Men sneak onto the island, but to their horror, their powers are nullified by some machine of Magneto. They reunite with Scott, who formulates a plan to thwart the would-be ruler of the world.

While the rest of the X-Men go to trash the machine, Storm, Kitty and Lee infiltrate the control chamber where Storm finds a sleeping, shirtless Magneto. Once again showing her terrible taste in men, she is not weak in the knees at the sight of a sleeping Magnus: instead, she contemplates killing him.

Storm knows how dangerous he is, but she also knows that he’s a great man who’s fighting for ideals, no matter how misguided. She hesitates too long: Magneto stirs, suspects an attack and tosses her out of the window, to her death.

Magneto quickly undoes the sabotage the other X-Men have wrought to his machine. A fight erupts. Storm, meanwhile, has managed to grab hold of a ledge. She crawls back up and smashes an important-looking computer, restoring everyone’s powers.

The battle turns grim, but Scott sends Kitty away to wreck Magneto’s machinery. She sneaks off, following Scott’s orders and destroying both Magneto's power-up device and all of his plans by phasing though the computer circuitry. Magneto senses this and furiously gives chase. Overcome by rage, he attacks Kitty and disrupts her phasing power with a magnetic bolt, seemingly killing her?

Everything about this story beat is great: mama bear!Ororo, mournful Magnus and even the fact that Kitty’s godawful outfit serves a narrative function: highlighting to us (and Magneto) just how young she is. The fact that Kitty’s Jewish is just icing on the cake. (Uncanny X-Men 150)

And thus, the softening of Magneto commences. 1981 might be a year with wildly varying narratives, but it has given us at least three enduring legacies to the X-Mythos: a new kind of Magneto, a fondness for dystopian futures and the character of Kitty Pryde, who's really come into her own this year.

Ugliest Costume: Kitty! Purposefully, but still. Best costume, by the way, goes to Destiny, with her creepy, creepy golden mask. Just imagine this lady casually strolling across a battlefield, eerily calm and collected, dodging everything you throw at her. Awesome design.

Best new character: I usually pick one character - what good is having a shared award when declaring the best of anything? - but this year, it’s going to one of my favorite couples: Mystique and Destiny. Can’t wait to see more of them.

Most audacious retcon: Blob somehow retroactively becomes a member of the original Brotherhood, which is not what happened. Ever weirder is Xavier pondering that he never met Magneto before his attack in X-Men #1, while their cordially adversarial relationship rooted in a youthful friendship would soon become a cornerstone of the X-Men.

What to read: Uncanny X-Men 141 - 143 and 150 - 152

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[evita-shelby]

What Happens in Vegas

Or the modern!Jack Nelson x Eva Smith(oc) prequel to What Happens in Vegas where Jack and Eva elope in Las Vegas

Chapter 1

“Is this seat taken?”

John Fitzgerald Nelson could forget his own name, but never her.

How could he when they had the best Vegas experience in his life? One moment he’s sharing a crappy hotel room with his friends, the next he’s living it up in the penthouse with a hot girl with a lot of cash to burn.

She had mentioned starting business school, just never mentioned the college. She had heard him brag about how he did the impossible to make it into Harvard and gave him a sample of the life he’d soon live.

Now she was here, looking like she came off a modeling catalogue and ready to continue what they started. Or else she’d be pretending he doesn’t exist, wouldn’t be the first time his flings ended badly.

“Saved it just for you, sweetheart.” He can’t even hide his grin as he speaks.

It started out as just sex amongst friends, they partner up for class often and by winter break Jack knows no one better to ask for Katie’s stupid destination wedding in Cozumel.

He needed someone to pretend to be his girlfriend who could survive being grilled by his mom and sisters about their fake relationship. No woman he’s been with knows him as good as the gal sitting on the passenger seat of his car wearing his old hoodie because they couldn’t find the shirt in the mess back at his place.

Eva would be perfect as his fake girlfriend. All she has to do is agree to spend the week after Christmas with him and his family where everyone will believe they have been dating for a while now.

“Katherine is trying to set me up with one of her sisters-in-law and I may have lied and said I was already seeing someone.” Jack has never been timid and yet here he was feeling a sudden shyness as he shares his predicament with Evie while they share a beer and tacos as part of their post midterm celebration. “She called my bluff and now wants me to take my nonexistent girlfriend to Cozumel or she’ll unleash her desperate bridesmaids on me.”

“Promoting me from fuck buddy to fake girlfriend, what an honor!” Evie teased wiping taco grease from the edge of her lip with the sleeve of his hoodie. “On a scale from 1 to 10 how committed are we?”

Jack has no idea why she’d agree so quickly. He knows she has family that wanted to spend time with her and has been dreading the open invitation to Mexico City this Christmas. That she’d accept a trip to Cozumel with him and his family, who barely knows her, over it is rather baffling.

Her aunt was bitchy but nice enough, adored her from what he’d seen. Her cousins were great guys too, Nacho had covered for him when Livia de Souza asked him what the nature of his relationship with her nice/adopted daughter was.

“Enough to make my family believe we’re in love and all that bullshit. Sorry for springing this up on you at the last minute.” He drinks his beer hoping to settle his fears of her backing out.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got nothing else to do besides avoiding my family this December.” The dark-haired beauty dismissed his apology and added, “Would make up for my abysmal birthday gift two weeks ago.”

“You shouldn’t have opened it in front of your aunt, Evie.” So, he’d gotten her a thong with the words ‘breakfast of champions’ that he saw at a novelty shop while out with his friends, how was he supposed to know her aunt would be visiting from Mexico City that day?

Or that her aunt would turn as red as her hair when she learned Jack was not just her friend but friend with benefits who she’s been seeing since they met in Vegas.

“The deal’s off if you make me fly coach, Nelson.”

[hd-cluefest]

H/D Clue Fest Masterlist

Cluefest Headquarters are finally unveiling the investigators of our cases. But before we do that, we want to thank each and every one of you that contributed to making this fest such a huge success, be it as a writer, podficcer, reader, listener, or reblogger and reccer. You wrote the most amazing fics, brought fics to life with your voice, and gave our creators lots of love with kudos, comments etc.  Fair warning: This post will be very long because we couldn’t control ourselves and made reveal banners. We would say we’re sorry, but we must not tell lies.

0430, T, 8.7k

Author: daughter_of_nemesis/@daughter-of-nemesis 

Harry disappears at exactly 04:30 in the morning. Hermione and Ron intend to figure out why. And Pansy's certain has something to do with Draco.

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A Hogwarts Detective Mystery, E, 19.3k

Author: ActorPotter/@actorpotter 

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his Eighth Year with Ron and Hermione after defending Draco Malfoy at his trial over the summer. Malfoy has returned too...but he's acting incredibly suspicious. So, naturally, Harry decides to stalk-er-follow him when he leaves the Eighth Year Common Room after hours one evening. It turns out that Malfoy has noticed something is amiss at Hogwarts, and he and Harry must work together to solve a mystery of disappearing portraits, randomly changing house colours on uniforms, and the Gryffindor Common Room suddenly appearing in the dungeons. What is happening to the castle? Will self-appointed detectives Harry and Draco discover what secrets are lying within the walls of Hogwarts...and their hearts?

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A House on Fire, E, 8.4k

Author: p1013/@p1013

For the last five years, Auror Draco Malfoy has walked into his office with hardly a glance at the illusioned window taking up the back wall. It looks out over an imagined London, a perfectly bright and brilliant view of the city that hides the smog and rain and dirt that clings to the city like a patina of time that can never be worn away. It's always a perfect summer's day with soft, white clouds that float through the painfully bright blue sky like a dream. He likes to imagine the gentle breeze that ripples the surface of the Thames brushing across his skin, since he'll never be able to actually feel it. After all, his office is located on the second floor and is, therefore, underground.

Or at least that's what he did before the seventh of October, 2009.

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A Little Bird Told Me, M, 18.6k

Author: Cibee/@cibeewastaken

Harry and his partner are called to investigate a murder that occurred at an exclusive getaway hosted by Muggle patrician Robert Morton in his own house. The surviving six people are now both witnesses and suspects. There is just one problem for Harry: Draco Malfoy is one of them.

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a meeting of minds, M, 8.2k

Author: saltwatergarden

When Harry Potter starts hearing someone else's thoughts for several minutes a day, at first he chalks it up to his own bad luck and he tries to ignore it. But the longer it goes on, the less Harry can ignore it. Whoever it is, the person whose thoughts he's hearing needs help. Harry finds himself indignant at the mistreatment of the man taking up space in his head, and feels a sense of closeness to him that he cannot explain.

How can he find out whose thoughts he's hearing? And what exactly will he do when he finds him?

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Cruel River, T, 67.7k 

Author: eleventy7/@tinyhistory

Draco inherits a castle deep in the Scottish highlands, and discovers it’s haunted by more than just ghosts.

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Dear Stranger, T, 22.7k

Author: iero0/@iero0

The one thing more pointless than falling in love with an anonymous wizard over a correspondence is falling in love with Harry Potter when you’re Draco Malfoy. 

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Draco Malfoy and the Case of the Smuggled Gossip, T, 6.9k

Author: A_Professional_Protagonist/@aprofessionalprotagonist

It's eighth year and someone is selling gossip about Harry Potter and his friends to the new trashy wizarding tabloid. Can Draco discover how the gossip is getting smuggled out of the castle? Will he and Harry grow closer in the process? Will there be kissing? (Spoilers: yes.)  

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For Now, 6.7k, T

Author: Samunderthelights/@samunderthelights

At first when Harry gets sent a mysterious notebook, he thinks it's a gift. But when he starts to write in it, he finds that someone can see what he writes, and the stranger is writing back to him.

Over time he finds himself opening up to the mysterious stranger, but how is he supposed to fully trust him if the stranger won't even tell him his name?

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He makes saints out of sinners, M, 32.8k

Author: miafancies/@miafancies

Harry grows with the turn of the tide. Draco contends with his ghosts.

This is a chronicle of inevitability.

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It might take an army, it might just be me, M, 15.5k

Author: slytherinnbitch/@slytherinnbitch

Five years after the war, Auror Potter goes out on a seemingly routine mission to check up on some pardoned criminals. He doesn’t come back. Immediate suspicions are cast on Draco Malfoy, one of the charges he was to be visiting. But unbeknownst to everyone, the two of them have been in a secret relationship for over six months, and Draco is beside himself with worry and so is Hermione and Ron. Together they try to get their best friend back. But there are surprises on their ways which none of them even expects of.

Can they get their best friend back or is he gone forever?

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Long story short, G, 4.6k

Author: time_streams/@time-streams

Someone's written about Harry's secret raspberry jam recipe. Also, they write fanfiction about him. Obviously, he using his investigative prowess to find them.

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Love's Sake, Evermore, E, 9.6k

Author: wanderingeyre

Someone is doing nice things for Draco and that someone seems to know an awful lot about his habits and favorite things. Draco can't imagine why anyone would do these things for him because he still thinks he has something to prove. Some days he thinks he’s going to spend his entire life spackling over the mistakes of his youth and the sins of his family.

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Memory Lane, T, 9.7k

Author: mortenavida/@mortenavida

Draco Malfoy has been happily living in the Muggle world for nearly a decade, far away from any Wizarding responsibilities they might try to enforce on him. He planned on leaving that world forever, save for making sure his son received a proper education, but things didn’t exactly go to plan. On his doorstep, one night, Harry Potter showed up. Except Harry Potter was supposed to be dead for the last seven years.

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Mine O'Clock, T, 1.2k

Author: PhenomenalAsterisk/@phenomenalasterisk 

Harry Potter is missing and Ron and Hermione are going spare.

How can Draco enjoy his lazy weekend with their nonsense cluttering up his front steps?

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[podfic] Potterotica, E, 20min

Podficcer: EvAEleanor/@eva-eleanore

original fic: Potterotica by Elle Gray/@diligent-thunder

The first story, and you could barely call it that, had appeared in the communal bathroom overnight. It was stuck to the mirror, one above each sink, like it was expected people might casually read it while brushing their teeth.

Except, there was nothing casual about reading explicit erotica in a communal bathroom while shoving a lubricated brush in and out of your mouth.Blaise had been the first to find it, or rather, to gleefully admit that he had. He’d burst into the common room in his pants to declare, 'There’s fucking porn in the bathroom!' Someone's writing smut and signing it with Harry's name. Hermione isn't buying it, and she has a plan to expose the true author. She also has her hand in her pants in a wardrobe.

A (ridiculous) response to AO3s (valid) new co-creator rules.

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Repairing his world, M, 34.8k

Author: AhaMarimbas/@mars-bar81

15 years after his father was arrested, Scorpius uncovers his case file at work. Desperate for answers on why his family was torn apart all those years ago, Scorpius looks into what happened. But is he ready for how the new evidence will change his life all over again?

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Reverie in Green, T, 51.7k

Author: dynazty/@dynazty

Draco just wants to get away; Harry just wants his dog back.

There's a small wooden bridge in the middle, somewhere, curved over a stream that never stops flowing. All they have to do is cross it.

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Secret Admirer, E, 12.3k

Author: Cassiopeias_shadow

Fresh out of training, Harry discovers that life as an Auror isn’t at all what he’d imagined - it’s much better actually, and there are stickers. As he settles into the team, a case lands quite literally on his doorstep... who keeps sending the Knight Bus to his house?

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Sleight of Hand, E, 15k

Author: TheStarryKnight/@the-starryknight

It’s another one of these horrid Ministry affairs, and the only interesting thing is twinkling from Draco Malfoy’s finger. Can you really blame Harry for being fascinated by the gorgeous emerald ring and those long, elegant hands, especially when he’s certain Malfoy is up to something?

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[podfic] The Lion, The Dragon, and the Broom Cupboard, E, 1h45min

Podficcer: laughingd0g/@jovialobservationanchor

original fic: The Lion, The Dragon, and the Broom Cupboard by tasteofshapes/@tasteofshapes

Draco thinks he’s hallucinating the first time when he opens the door to the office pantry and finds Potter there instead, looming out of the shadows of what appears to be a cupboard like some deformed gargoyle. Things don’t go much better after that.

Or, three broom cupboards, two times they get it on, and one love story.

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The Mysterious Case of the Missing Yoghurt, E, 24.5k

Author: manixzen/@manixzen

Newly-hired Flying Professor Harry Potter is happy to return to Hogwarts for a fresh start after several failed careers, but nothing is going as planned. His classes are a mess, he has to find a way to work with Draco Malfoy (annoying git extraordinaire) and now, in an act of villainy and depravity, someone keeps stealing his yoghurt.

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Through the Blur, E, 27.7k

Author: anachronic_mai/@danbrokethesoundbarrier

Sleep doesn't come easy to Harry. Despite taking regular doses of Dreamless Sleep for years, he hasn't managed to get rid of the nightmares. Things can't get any worse for him when Potions Master Draco Malfoy comes to him for help after mysterious attacks to his apothecary.

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[podfic] to heal a fracture (to bind a life), M, 33min

Podficcer: bluedreaming/@porcelainsalt

original fic: to heal a fracture (to bind a life) by glittering_git/ @glittering-git; meandminniemcg/@meandminniemcg

Who you gonna call? Harry has become one of the foremost Spiritual Exterminators in Britain. Draco has a spirit that needs extermination. But what seems like a simple problem ends up becoming far more complicated when the spirit is identified. The secrets that are exposed and the history that is uncovered leads both Harry and Draco into uncharted territory.

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To Live & Die in LA, E, 28.8k

Author: fwooshy/@fw00shy

Someone is blackmailing Pansy Parkinson. Pansy's father hires Harry Potter, P.I., to get to the bottom of the scam. But how is Harry's errant ex-boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, involved? And why did Draco run to Los Angeles in the first place?

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Two Hearts Divided, T, 18.6k

Author: iero0/@iero0​; Ladderofyears/@ladderofyears

Draco Malfoy, the celebrated Ghost Clearance Expert is in Germany, trying to solve the tricky little matter of a stubborn ghost called Clara von Kellern. Exasperated after trying every spell he knows, Draco sends an owl to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement in London, requesting their urgent help.

Little does Draco know that the clerk who willingly grasps his letter is Harry Potter.

Injured in action, Harry enjoys a quiet, deskbound existence and sees Draco’s letters as a bit of excitement to brighten up his dull days. Harry has no idea that investigating Clara’s life, and that of her beau (and potential murderer) Ernst Wernet will lead to the beginnings of a love affair all of his own.

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Violent Delights, E, 20.4k

Author: primaveracerezos/@primavera-cerezos 

Draco Malfoy's life should be going very well. He's engaged to a wonderful man and in line for the Head Auror job. He's been made lead investigator on a serial murder case, trying to figure out who is killing off the scum of the wizarding world, one by one. So what if he's kind of miserable? Things always get better.

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Who Put Bella in the Wych Elm?, E, 15.4k

Author: alittlewicked/@undersummerstars 

As sad as it was for a family to come to this point: no one would put it past the others to be able to raise their hand and wand against a cousin, an aunt or even a son.

Merlin knows, it had been happening often enough in the House of Black.

So that left the attendees with one question.

Who put Bella in the Wych Elm?

*

Harry & Draco are Walburga Black's guests at Number 12 Grimmauld Place to find the one, true heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. What had the potential to go terribly wrong, went one step further and culminated in a dead body and twelve suspects.

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[art-donaldson]

not me forgetting to send asks for a week as if gifting isn’t right around the corner 🤡 let’s talk about something lighthearted, gush about your otp’s!! doesn’t matter which fandom :)

LMAO anon it's okay <3 i hope you're doing well though!!

OKAY SO i have many otps and i’m gonna talk about kanej because it’s been over a year since i’ve been introduced to them and i’m still not over them. (update: i had to put it under a cut cause it got long but tl;dr: kaz and inej mean a lot to me for many reasons and they’ve had a huge impact on my life)

so kanej. they are my everything, my bread and butter, my blorbos, my pals, my best friends, they literally mean so much to me for so many reason. i definitely see a bit of myself in both kaz and inej so i just feel so strongly about them and i can get very passionate but i can also get incoherent so i'm gonna do my best to be coherent

one of my favorite things about them is the message that they're willing to overcome and work past their trauma for each other without having to change one another. like leigh could’ve easily made kaz be one of those guys who is like “i’m no good for you and you don’t deserve me” and one of those guys who ends up pushing inej away BUT SHE DIDN’T MAKE HIM LIKE THAT!!!! inej tells kaz she wants him without armor or not at all and he ends up being a bit more vulnerable with her and lets her in more and i just feel like you don’t always see that with characters that are like kaz so it was so NICE AND REFRESHING to see that AND BY THE END he’s able to HOLD HER HAND WITHOUT HIS GLOVES like that’s such a huge moment and goes to show that he’s willing to work past his trauma for her

and she doesn’t want him to change!! she knows his whole reputation is a defense mechanism and it’s what he had to do to survive, so when she says ketterdam doesn’t need a good man, it needs him that’s so huge!!! like she understands that he had to be the way he is from a young age AND THEN when she says that she still thinks ketterdam is worth saving AND THAT HE’S WORTH SAVING?? I’M FUCKING SOBBING BECAUSE SHE SEES THE GOOD IN HIM THAT HE’S HIDDEN FOR SO LONG CAUSE HE WAS FINALLY VULNERABLE WITH HER 😭😭

a lot of their scenes are just SO GOOD and i can go on and on about their moments and why they make me feral, but i also want to say that kanej (and just six of crows in general) has become so important to me because i’ve met some of my favorite people ever. there are a bunch of people i can tag but i’m gonna tag @kazzzbrekkers in specific cause my life is 1908490x better with him in it <3 our friendship has become so much more than six of crows but i still owe the duology so much because it led me to meet eva and eva is my twin soul 🤍 i love you sm eva you’re one of my favorite people ever and i’m so lucky to have you around

anon if you made it to here, i am applauding you <3 i tried to come up with a better tl;dr but i think i rambled too much and wasn’t that coherent but i tried to sum it up